Through the looking glass....

My phone rang, I looked at Caller-ID and it said "AXEL" I was so scared.

What would he say? My hands sweat...

Would he be nice? Would he make a joke like "hey buddy, lets make a song...NOT"

Would be scream, berate me, hurt me so deeply like he has done so many times in the past. 

Would he celebrate me? Would he show sorrow and upset, would he be ultimately disappointed in himself for not including our track on China Democrats? 

Well, WOULD HE?

Thats right, I'm breaking the fourth wall today. I'm talking to YOU the reader. Yes, you drinking coffee -- I see you. Thats right, you....girl, looking at the monitor. Weird? I may have just described you, thats because I have officially broken through the fourth wall. 

Maybe Axel wants to pat me on the back and talk about collaborating on a new venture, something that would showcase what I do, my skill set. Axel is probably thinking he is so upset that me and DA SLASH refused to record on his album because he said we sucked, he was SO wrong. 

Right? Right, you in the GREEN shirt looking toward the monitor and wishing you could get with me. I cup my ear to hear the construction worker in the back, looking at this blog via his blackberry storm, he is taking a moment away to read this. Thank you worker! Thank you!!

SO. Axel. I stand here not alone, but with the entire BLOGOSPHERE behind me. We stand united against the horrible treatment you put on to me, and the way you stopped our collaboration, OUR version of GnR from kicking butt and taking names. 

Et Tu' Brute?

Axel continues to hurt...

Friends,

Today I received something pretty weird. I got a package in the snail mail that was wrapped in vines, paper towels and tears. I opened it slowly as I watched the rain tap tap tap on the window outside. It was cold, a cold November. Axel was on my mind. Not because he's good, but because he's good at being a dick to me. Nostrodomus once said that California would soon break off and form an island. I don't disagree, but I wish it would happen soon. I know Axel lives in LA and he would pretty much be FUCKED stuck on that island, while I would find the remaining members of GnR and form a much more, kick ass version of them. It's more than a dream assholes, it's a reality.

ME on Vocals and Small Cymbals

Slasher on Guitar [YEA!]

Joey Gladstone on Comedy -- yes! I don't follow the rules of music. My band will rock hard, then Joey Gladstone will do a Popeye impression that will make you all shit your pants, then we will play the hardest version of the entire Spaghetti Incident? CD which will make you shit yourselfs again, but harder.

Duffy On Guitar and attitude.

DJ Bart Simpson on turntables. YES!

We will play our first date on the new beach front property in the dunes. What would you do if it happened? Would you be happy or sad? If I was you, and I was looking back at myself as if in another world, I would be so happy. I would say 'forgoe downloads' and I would buy our album on LP or CD. What would you do when a clown turned your frown into a smile? You would accept it, thats what.

Axel hurts me more...

Well friends, it's finally out. After years, no, decades of waiting -- Axel has finally decided to release his song China Democracy into the realm of 'reality'. Some of my long time fans might remember a bit of a fight I had with Axel a year or so ago. The fight was talked about on Axis Hollywood and other shows. I am really pissed inside because of course, Axeler decided to not put our collaboration on the disc. The dick told me he would, he told me in confidence behind closed doors. We spoke about it and we made an agreement. I don't understand -- is this the guy who wrote Welcome to Jungle? Has he forgot all that he stood for?

I decided to get some help. I called up Slasher and Duffy [who is now a girl, post op, but still rocks and jamz hard with both my band and the one with the guy from the Stone Pilots]. Me and Slasher sat down over a cup of joe and had a real, serious, heart to heart. I told him about the work I did with Axel and he told me how Axel wanted to be more like me. According to Slasher, he said that Axel wanted to mold himself 'in my voice' as far as music goes, and take the lyrics I wrote and turn them into the next hit! This is why China Democrats took so long to come out. Look, no offense Axel, but you used to have Slasher and Duffy and now you have Mr.Bucket and the guy from the Rembrants? I mean, come-on. Why don't you do a cover of the "Friends" theme ya dick.

It gets me heated inside and it hurts me too. Tears aren't meant to cause such pain as they streak down your check. Cold November Rain down my face as I think of you Axel, and what you did to me and my song....our song.

Axel, what would you do if I ran away?

Dear Axel Rose,

Apparently you're too busy being stupid to answer my emails. I'm so upset with you Axel, I thought you and me would do something together? Something to challenge the status quo? THE TRUTH IS, maybe YOU ARE the STATUS QUO. Remember when you wore those NWA hats all up onto of your head? Well, now you should wear RONALD REGAN hats because you're probably voting for him or Martain Landau in West Wing, DICK. I'm so tired of you rock stars, 'importantes'' as the french call them. You should be SEEKING me, I shoot photographs wonderfully, beautifull works. I act my soul out on film, even on VIDEO, I connect with my AUDIENCE, and I release. When was the last time you had it with a girl? I bet not just the other day, because I did it for so long the other day I was relatively sore in my box. You probably don't like it, hah hah. You would probably rather NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS than DO IT. You are missing out on something that would make CHINESE DEMOCRACY A MAJOR HIT RECORD...me. Forget Slashman, forget Duffet, forget the guy without an arm, or the guy with a bucket of chicken ontop of his dome space, you need me. I was brining you soul. MY soul. You probably sold yours to el diablo ages ago, right after 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' came out and made money for THE ESTABLISHMENT. Well, maybe I will pull out my HOLGA MEDIUM FORMAT CAMERA and shoot some SNAPS, yeah -- it has light leaks, BUT FUCK CONVENTIONALISM. I AM AN ARTIST. When was the last time you sang inside your MIC without counting those green duckets, you? Think about that when you are driving your Mach 5 down the street, punching baby walruses in the face and eating dolphin meat straight from the bone, JERK.

What would you do if I ran away? Just left this place? Would you MISS ME THEN? I bet you would, I bet YOU ALL WOULD.

Axel Watch, Day Three.

Dear Axel,

Remember the good days of GnR? Remember Welcome Inside The Jungle? Tears From Rain? Those songs had so much awesome impact on me. I remember tearing my shirt off in the rain, the blue sky now black and white. I stood outside a farmhouse, and I played my soul like the electric guitar of T,he Slasher. The Slasher wears a top hat, because his brain is tall(see WIKI here). I want to take my shirt, pants and toss them aside. Do you remember the cold november rain, beating acrost your cheast? I do. Give me a call good pal, give me a call and lets get this GnR off the ground. It will be, all of that, I can ASSURE you. good. I'm serious, Axel. I'm sick of this shit. I sit here and work my BALLS into the ground on this fucking movie, and all I get are accolades from the foreign press association 'oh troy is this, troy is that, troy is the next brando...blah blah' I want to take my aggressions out on the open road, the stage. Yeah, I love my ART I love clikcing the shots, suspending motion, suspending the dope moments that occur before my face, my cold face. I do, but I want to rock it with you, you need me, GnR NEEDS this.


Sincerely, 'Troy'

Axel, This is frustrating.

So, I STILL waiting to get a call from axelor, his rep Lydia or any of the other members. I mean, even fing uncle jessie is too busy to call me. I know that dog is working his bone to the core on the Fullest house, but give me a break. I guess these peeps don't see with future eyes, only past eyes. 'Troy', thats where you wanna be at. The future is here, inside of me -- so bright, it hurts. Since the directos ans producers on this movie can't seem to GET IT RIGHT, even after I pour out my SOUL to them, give them a set of reference charts via Google Docs and Wikipedia, and BASICALLY SLAM IT ALL UP SIDE THEIR GRILLS. I have to think about MY future. I'm doing this film, because my Fandom wants it, they need it, they need that hit, that 'Troy' fix that makes them feel like they feel. It's like liquified SEX and ART slammed inside of their ear channels, like television, but with INTEGRITY. The director says 'no, no, we have to do it like this' I tell him 'SHEEP, BAH-BAH' then I click 45 of the most AMAZING SNAPS that any man or woman could conceive, I'm talking Anne Geddes taken to the hilt, so good. Off my NIKON F2, I spit on the ground when I'm done to show them I mean it.

So, I need the GnR fix, like my fans clammor and drool over the work that be bringing it from inside of what I do, my brain that operates at XP-PRO speed, or OS Puma 10. Axel, whats up? I called you. I have written 4 songs, and I will DROP off this film if I need to. Now is the time, we gotta push for tha Grammyz next year, I know it's NOT IMPORTANT to win awards, but we gootta make a statement. Axel, I wnat you close to me, we can work it out, we can work it out....

AXELOR do you hear me? Oh, heaven INSIDE the nature of man...oh inside.