the new ipod is a dick.

well, well, well. It looks like the new ipod 'touch' is a bit of a self-centered dick head, fucking asshole, asswad. I bought it, and I touched it. I touched it for the entire night. I touched it with my hands, my toes, even my 'part' yeah, -the- part -- the main part.

I touched it with my part for hours. I used cover-flow with 'my part' and even tho 'my part' eventually got sore and a little rashey, I was able to select my favorite Macy Gray Jam and serious listen to it with MY SOUL. Thats right, I touched this thing all night, and you know what it did for me? NUTHIN FOOLS, absolutely nothing.

I thought to myself, what would be THE innovation that 'jobo' would unleash, the one thing that we have wanted since Brent Spinner brought the incomprable MISTA DATA to life? A sentient chip. I wanted this FUCKING THING to have some emotions. I touch it, I prod it, I play with its bits, and it DOES NOTHING FOR ME. It leaves me cold to the touch. Well, BFD you got COVER FLOW -- how about blood flow...to the heart. Think about that tomorrow, jerks.

SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE SCRIPT, I'VE SEEN IT!

I'm on the set this week, filming against green screen for an upcoming promo. An associate dog on the set told me he had something for me. I wasn't sure at first, and wanted to make sure he wasn't going to be giving me his special assistant for life. I called a pal, and we met clandestine, yo. It was all good, I promise. A friend had given me a VHS copy of a show called Sex & The City, which was randy indeed. Very horney, I thought. I felt it was very counterculture, something like Kurt Vonegat or Dennis Leary the LCD person. If it's counterculture, I'm in like flynn. I watched this show, and I was charmed, yo, I'm surious.

It was very satisfactory, and I watched all seasons. I was so fuckin sad when it ended. It hurt.

Word around the film community was hot and heavy, erhm....yes Sex and The City was back on track, but this time as a feature film! I was so excited, but even more excited to meet up with my friend, and get a peek at the TOP SECRET SCRIPT.

Oh, I will give you a few teasers, but I promoise THERE WILL BE HELLAMORE Y'ALKLHURD?

It stars all the original girls: carrie, samantha, etc.

Mr.Big is featured heavily, and most importantly SO DOES HIS MEAT.

It's been rumored that Mr.Big got his name because he has a big peice of meat in his pants, and if this script turns out to be the final version, the audience will finally get to see it. The opening scene has Carrie getting a tattoo of Audry Hepburn on her lower back in a paris cafe', it might be a dream sequence or some such. She is wearing a pink poofy skirt, fishnets, red 80's style bopsie socks, 7' Manhlo PUMPS (ruby red, think dorothy!), a sweater vest, gold lame' shirt, and a super cute hat with 12' brim, matching poof ball and embroidered details. As she is getting the tat, someone mysterious enters the room : he's french, and very dreamy. We don't know what Carries status is at this point, but we do know she is fab!

The dreamy gent steps to her and says something like 'oui, are you famous Carrie, sex and city?" and she giggles, oh she giggles...it will feel so rewarding to hear that laugh again, that sweet laugh of Carrie.

Right as she is about to say yes, it turns out she can't talk, she has TB (think it's a dream) and apparently is quarantened, but still acting outside the law, as the rebel she portrayed for so many years.

Two medical officers (hotties, most likely, CK modelz) walk in and say 'you are under-arrest!! for being a foxxer!'

Well, I'm about to go back on set. I PROMISE Y'ALL I'LL BRING YOU MORE TOMORROW. HURD THAT?