Why I turned down the Fraizer Movie...

I posted recently about the desire of producers to cast me as brother 'Niles Crane' in a big-budget 'Dark Knight' style revamp of the beloved TV sitcom Fraizer. I was very excited by this potential opportunity. I flew to Broadway, NY to view some plays that David Hyde Pierce was performing in. I craved an understand of the man that television could not nourish. If I were to play this man, I needed to understand him from the inside out. I paused, waited for the re-write and watched the world go crazy for a new political figure on the scene called simply 'Joe The Plumber'. He changed the game, and I hoped to do the same for Dr.Crane.

I read the script while jetting, and I realized that the entire affair was just too dark for my tastes. Yes, the undertones of the series left my spine a titter -- but, this script was much too dark and very hanibal-lecture-ish. The opening scene had a naked Dr.Fraizer Crane atop the Seatle Space Needle broadcasting his last show. He spoke in a Shakepspearion rage and delivered a mono log that turned me off :

"DEAREST SEATTLE. BY THE TIME YOU HEAR THESE WORDS, I WILL BE DEAD. I HAVE JUST FEAST ON THE FLESH OF MY FRIENDS. MY FATHER ATTEMPTING TO ARREST ME, SO SORRY DEAR FATHER....CRANE HAS GONE INSANE, SEATTLE. PUT THAT ON YOUR BUMPER STICKERS AND MUGS. ROZ, MY DEAR ROZ. IF ONLY I COULD HAVE SAVED YOU FROM DESPAIR. YOU DID MAKE QUITE THE AMOUCHE BOUCHE FOR MY MEAL OF A ONE DAPHNE CRANE AND MY SAD LITTLE BROTHER NILES, WHO MADE A TASTY APPETIZER...."

You see? I watched the entire show, and I know this to be true. Niles should have been the one to go insane, and I tried to explain this to the 'writer'. Alas, there are better things awaiting me in the wings. If I studied David Hyde Pearce, let it not be for not. Hollywood, can you hear me?