Video Blog : The Ball

Why I turned down the Fraizer Movie...

I posted recently about the desire of producers to cast me as brother 'Niles Crane' in a big-budget 'Dark Knight' style revamp of the beloved TV sitcom Fraizer. I was very excited by this potential opportunity. I flew to Broadway, NY to view some plays that David Hyde Pierce was performing in. I craved an understand of the man that television could not nourish. If I were to play this man, I needed to understand him from the inside out. I paused, waited for the re-write and watched the world go crazy for a new political figure on the scene called simply 'Joe The Plumber'. He changed the game, and I hoped to do the same for Dr.Crane.

I read the script while jetting, and I realized that the entire affair was just too dark for my tastes. Yes, the undertones of the series left my spine a titter -- but, this script was much too dark and very hanibal-lecture-ish. The opening scene had a naked Dr.Fraizer Crane atop the Seatle Space Needle broadcasting his last show. He spoke in a Shakepspearion rage and delivered a mono log that turned me off :

"DEAREST SEATTLE. BY THE TIME YOU HEAR THESE WORDS, I WILL BE DEAD. I HAVE JUST FEAST ON THE FLESH OF MY FRIENDS. MY FATHER ATTEMPTING TO ARREST ME, SO SORRY DEAR FATHER....CRANE HAS GONE INSANE, SEATTLE. PUT THAT ON YOUR BUMPER STICKERS AND MUGS. ROZ, MY DEAR ROZ. IF ONLY I COULD HAVE SAVED YOU FROM DESPAIR. YOU DID MAKE QUITE THE AMOUCHE BOUCHE FOR MY MEAL OF A ONE DAPHNE CRANE AND MY SAD LITTLE BROTHER NILES, WHO MADE A TASTY APPETIZER...."

You see? I watched the entire show, and I know this to be true. Niles should have been the one to go insane, and I tried to explain this to the 'writer'. Alas, there are better things awaiting me in the wings. If I studied David Hyde Pearce, let it not be for not. Hollywood, can you hear me?

SET REPORT: INTENSE DAY.

Today was my day. I declared it when I woke up. It was going to be a rough day on the set. Shit, I mean -- do you hear that? The sound of comedy and tragety taking a back seat to the REALITY that inside of soul? In germany they call it Glotszpkt, or 'treasures of the heart'. Imagine what it would be like to RELIVE a terrible moment inside of your life? Would you do it? COULD you? Would you be MAN or WOMAN enough to STEP UP to the PLATE and RELIVE IT? yo, I do not believe that you would have fortitude to do it. I did. Thats what I DO. I am hella real, strong. I act, but I act life like a play made of Shakespear and others, those of the english language, who forged the ups and downs of our existance.

My lawyer says this is confidential, and I shouldn't be talking about it -- but, what give? I givea 100% and this is MY LIFE so forget WHAT THEY SAY. My director, he's a dick, but I feel he wants to make my performance 'movie like' like I was making fluff, The Battleship Potemkin or some other CRAP hollywood film. I don't do hollywood, holly would want to do me if she could do it to me like that. I don't want to make a fucking joke of myself. So I ACTED, yeah - like Michael Cain before me, like Jeremy Miller or Nichelson Cage as Randall 'Memphis' Raines. Back to my point - what would you do if you had to look in the eye, the beast? The white clad beast with the red cross upon it's bird like cheast? Would you cry? What if the beast STOLE YOUR SHIT and left you ABANDONED like a dog...what if he took what was most precious from you, most precious...second only to one other. Well, I came back...yeah, it was rough, and I'm about to expose this shit all up in the filmic medium, for YOU.

What would you do? What would you do? I bet you'd fold.

I didn't

...

Axel, This is frustrating.

So, I STILL waiting to get a call from axelor, his rep Lydia or any of the other members. I mean, even fing uncle jessie is too busy to call me. I know that dog is working his bone to the core on the Fullest house, but give me a break. I guess these peeps don't see with future eyes, only past eyes. 'Troy', thats where you wanna be at. The future is here, inside of me -- so bright, it hurts. Since the directos ans producers on this movie can't seem to GET IT RIGHT, even after I pour out my SOUL to them, give them a set of reference charts via Google Docs and Wikipedia, and BASICALLY SLAM IT ALL UP SIDE THEIR GRILLS. I have to think about MY future. I'm doing this film, because my Fandom wants it, they need it, they need that hit, that 'Troy' fix that makes them feel like they feel. It's like liquified SEX and ART slammed inside of their ear channels, like television, but with INTEGRITY. The director says 'no, no, we have to do it like this' I tell him 'SHEEP, BAH-BAH' then I click 45 of the most AMAZING SNAPS that any man or woman could conceive, I'm talking Anne Geddes taken to the hilt, so good. Off my NIKON F2, I spit on the ground when I'm done to show them I mean it.

So, I need the GnR fix, like my fans clammor and drool over the work that be bringing it from inside of what I do, my brain that operates at XP-PRO speed, or OS Puma 10. Axel, whats up? I called you. I have written 4 songs, and I will DROP off this film if I need to. Now is the time, we gotta push for tha Grammyz next year, I know it's NOT IMPORTANT to win awards, but we gootta make a statement. Axel, I wnat you close to me, we can work it out, we can work it out....

AXELOR do you hear me? Oh, heaven INSIDE the nature of man...oh inside.

Set Report : Trailer Life

just outside this trailer....

Yo. You would think that being on a movie set would be all of that, and potentially more. Wrong. I'm sitting in my too small trailer, barely able to stretch my newly shorn legs across the room. I asked for a few items, this is mah movie about me, for real. This was my doing. If it wasn't for me, this peice of filmic art, historic art, would be another whack ass Hollyweird yarn. Nah, no way, dog. Why are my pants even on? It so hella hot in here, I feel like I just took a shower (due to the sweat). I believe the yomen invented a little something called AIR CONDITIONING. I mean, who runs this crap set? "Air Condition this", I think as I take several soft clicks with my Nikon F2. I think about a cat I saw outside. This is too soon for me to be recounting this, I realize. I read my script, and I found it difficult. Is this how Jesus felt? Perhaps, indeed, this film right ere might be my cross to bare. This is reality, this is reality. I once had the soft fur of my precious Boo Boo betwixt my fingers. The silken hairs of Sharon resting across my alabaster arm. Now I have to recount it, the pain. All I want is a bigger trailer...something where I can stretch out, be cool. You want me to die for you on this fucking set and you motherfuckers can't even give me a nice trailer?? Is that too hard for yah?