Axel, you are officially on my sh@t list!

yeah, yeah it's your boy, Troy. I'm SICK of this. Axel, you think your all of that? Guess what buddy - you aren't! You think just because you wrote Cherry Pie, and Live and Let Die, you think just because you wrote those songs, you're something? Guess WHAT? YOU AINT NOTHING IN MY EYES! I wanted to join you. I was going to be your symbiote, I was going to be part of you. I wanted to weave into you like your hair is a weave. I want to run, I want to run so fast that a TRAIN can't catch me. Life is like that, it's prickly, it's hard and dirty. I've been had so many times, and I'm tried of it. I can imagine, you sitting in your mansion on beverly hills drive, kicking it with your 'guy friends' Slasha-10, duffy and the guy from The Replacements, all just sipping on some brew dogs, LAUGHING AT TROY. Well TROY IS SAD, is that WHAT YOU WANTED? Well you got it fricking mean jokers. It's real funny isn't it? I am sitting here, wearing GnR clothing, everything. I bought iron ons and ironed on a GnR logo onto my thong. It's so tight, this thong -- its for GIRLS, because you wore tight pants, and I wanted to be just LIKE YOU. Well, I learned pal, I learned that yo are not ALL OF THAT AT ALL. Maybe you should HAVE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR and see the sad face that looks back, then wipe that TEAR away that you are sure to have and think about the ARTIST who is here on the other side of planet rejection, ready to make a MOVIE THAT WILL BRING IT.


Signed, 'Troy' (my mama always said their would likely be days simil


Axel, what would you do if I ran away?

Dear Axel Rose,

Apparently you're too busy being stupid to answer my emails. I'm so upset with you Axel, I thought you and me would do something together? Something to challenge the status quo? THE TRUTH IS, maybe YOU ARE the STATUS QUO. Remember when you wore those NWA hats all up onto of your head? Well, now you should wear RONALD REGAN hats because you're probably voting for him or Martain Landau in West Wing, DICK. I'm so tired of you rock stars, 'importantes'' as the french call them. You should be SEEKING me, I shoot photographs wonderfully, beautifull works. I act my soul out on film, even on VIDEO, I connect with my AUDIENCE, and I release. When was the last time you had it with a girl? I bet not just the other day, because I did it for so long the other day I was relatively sore in my box. You probably don't like it, hah hah. You would probably rather NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS than DO IT. You are missing out on something that would make CHINESE DEMOCRACY A MAJOR HIT RECORD...me. Forget Slashman, forget Duffet, forget the guy without an arm, or the guy with a bucket of chicken ontop of his dome space, you need me. I was brining you soul. MY soul. You probably sold yours to el diablo ages ago, right after 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' came out and made money for THE ESTABLISHMENT. Well, maybe I will pull out my HOLGA MEDIUM FORMAT CAMERA and shoot some SNAPS, yeah -- it has light leaks, BUT FUCK CONVENTIONALISM. I AM AN ARTIST. When was the last time you sang inside your MIC without counting those green duckets, you? Think about that when you are driving your Mach 5 down the street, punching baby walruses in the face and eating dolphin meat straight from the bone, JERK.

What would you do if I ran away? Just left this place? Would you MISS ME THEN? I bet you would, I bet YOU ALL WOULD.


Axel. You Hurt me, causes tear.

Dear Axel,

I'm a little worried. Are you 'okay'? I am. I want to reconnect with you. I think the idea of you, me and Jessie forming the new GnR will be the solution you need! I mean, I don't care about Jessie, because he is already famous and probably isn't on the same level as us musically speaking, but I want me and you 2 B 2.

When my pants are down, and I think of the day. Before I comb my hair, and stare outside the rain, it clings to me, like the sadness that speaks to me. In the cold November Rain. I want to remake that song, FIRST thing we do. I want to do a remake of it, so bad. I want to sit there, in a room with you, KICKIN it as hard as you can, and just lay out some lyrics. I use different colored (or coloured in UK) inks to establish the emotional thread I want lay down through song structures. For example, people associate the color blue with sorrow -- and rain... do you get it?

Well. I know you're just busy, and soon you will be calling me. If you get my machine PLEASE leave a message as I might be shooting this movie, yeah -- about me. I feel it's important, but you're important. Oh my Axel, you plus me equals a whole lot of ...love. Think on it.





Today was my day. I declared it when I woke up. It was going to be a rough day on the set. Shit, I mean -- do you hear that? The sound of comedy and tragety taking a back seat to the REALITY that inside of soul? In germany they call it Glotszpkt, or 'treasures of the heart'. Imagine what it would be like to RELIVE a terrible moment inside of your life? Would you do it? COULD you? Would you be MAN or WOMAN enough to STEP UP to the PLATE and RELIVE IT? yo, I do not believe that you would have fortitude to do it. I did. Thats what I DO. I am hella real, strong. I act, but I act life like a play made of Shakespear and others, those of the english language, who forged the ups and downs of our existance.

My lawyer says this is confidential, and I shouldn't be talking about it -- but, what give? I givea 100% and this is MY LIFE so forget WHAT THEY SAY. My director, he's a dick, but I feel he wants to make my performance 'movie like' like I was making fluff, The Battleship Potemkin or some other CRAP hollywood film. I don't do hollywood, holly would want to do me if she could do it to me like that. I don't want to make a fucking joke of myself. So I ACTED, yeah - like Michael Cain before me, like Jeremy Miller or Nichelson Cage as Randall 'Memphis' Raines. Back to my point - what would you do if you had to look in the eye, the beast? The white clad beast with the red cross upon it's bird like cheast? Would you cry? What if the beast STOLE YOUR SHIT and left you ABANDONED like a dog...what if he took what was most precious from you, most precious...second only to one other. Well, I came back...yeah, it was rough, and I'm about to expose this shit all up in the filmic medium, for YOU.

What would you do? What would you do? I bet you'd fold.

I didn't


Axel Watch, Day Three.

Dear Axel,

Remember the good days of GnR? Remember Welcome Inside The Jungle? Tears From Rain? Those songs had so much awesome impact on me. I remember tearing my shirt off in the rain, the blue sky now black and white. I stood outside a farmhouse, and I played my soul like the electric guitar of T,he Slasher. The Slasher wears a top hat, because his brain is tall(see WIKI here). I want to take my shirt, pants and toss them aside. Do you remember the cold november rain, beating acrost your cheast? I do. Give me a call good pal, give me a call and lets get this GnR off the ground. It will be, all of that, I can ASSURE you. good. I'm serious, Axel. I'm sick of this shit. I sit here and work my BALLS into the ground on this fucking movie, and all I get are accolades from the foreign press association 'oh troy is this, troy is that, troy is the next brando...blah blah' I want to take my aggressions out on the open road, the stage. Yeah, I love my ART I love clikcing the shots, suspending motion, suspending the dope moments that occur before my face, my cold face. I do, but I want to rock it with you, you need me, GnR NEEDS this.

Sincerely, 'Troy'


Axel, This is frustrating.

So, I STILL waiting to get a call from axelor, his rep Lydia or any of the other members. I mean, even fing uncle jessie is too busy to call me. I know that dog is working his bone to the core on the Fullest house, but give me a break. I guess these peeps don't see with future eyes, only past eyes. 'Troy', thats where you wanna be at. The future is here, inside of me -- so bright, it hurts. Since the directos ans producers on this movie can't seem to GET IT RIGHT, even after I pour out my SOUL to them, give them a set of reference charts via Google Docs and Wikipedia, and BASICALLY SLAM IT ALL UP SIDE THEIR GRILLS. I have to think about MY future. I'm doing this film, because my Fandom wants it, they need it, they need that hit, that 'Troy' fix that makes them feel like they feel. It's like liquified SEX and ART slammed inside of their ear channels, like television, but with INTEGRITY. The director says 'no, no, we have to do it like this' I tell him 'SHEEP, BAH-BAH' then I click 45 of the most AMAZING SNAPS that any man or woman could conceive, I'm talking Anne Geddes taken to the hilt, so good. Off my NIKON F2, I spit on the ground when I'm done to show them I mean it.

So, I need the GnR fix, like my fans clammor and drool over the work that be bringing it from inside of what I do, my brain that operates at XP-PRO speed, or OS Puma 10. Axel, whats up? I called you. I have written 4 songs, and I will DROP off this film if I need to. Now is the time, we gotta push for tha Grammyz next year, I know it's NOT IMPORTANT to win awards, but we gootta make a statement. Axel, I wnat you close to me, we can work it out, we can work it out....

AXELOR do you hear me? Oh, heaven INSIDE the nature of man...oh inside.



I'm excited, very much. I called my friend Axel Rose today and spoke to Lydia his rep. She told me Axe was definitely interested in making some music with me and my crew as proposed in a previous blog. This means alot, because a fool like me, just wants to get out there and do it art way. I love art, be it with the sound, or photosnaps or videos, or whatever it may be. I want to imagine what it would be like to be next to Axeler, with Jessie on the drum kit and myself singing. I heard that the way to salvation is to sing. God told me that. I am going to FUCKING DITCH this movie if I have to in order to tour with the new GnR. It is MY LIFE AND MY RULES. So producers, directors, don't forget who this is about. I'm so EXCITED. I just cannot hide it, no...no. I wrote a song, I want to share it, ok? MY FIRST ONE. I tried to write it in PHOTOSHOP becauze I do it like that, but I couldn't get tha fontz right, they didn't reflect the emotion. I tried SO many cool fonts, I thought it would be rad to write my emotionz in fonts. Like If I was talkin bout the love thang, I could use a heart font, or sadness, I could use a sad font. Here is my song, just regular text.




thats all I have so far...I feel so vunerable right now...sad, soft.

Sad Sack Thoughts Of A Random Nature.

Yo. What time is it? I often ask myself that before I seize my camera and take a picture. One time, I turned the camera around and pointed it at myself. You might ask yourself, 'yo, is he crazy? arms length, what up?'. Let me tell y'all. THATS LIFE right there, and when you live 'la vita boca' thats how you live. I had an idea of getting a tatt (slang for Tattoo, something you get when a tool embeds ink into your empidermius) on my face, actually on my eye. You wonder, is he crazy, boca? I say "hell yes" you see life hasn't been easy for me, and that makes you hard on the outside. Hard like the shell of a hardboiled egg (thus 'hard' boiled, go figure). Yeah, yeah. My heart broke and is broken, yo. Life goes on. Remember that song? It was written for the show by the same name 'Life Goes On' and was song by Chris Burke, who played Cork Thatcher on the show. Cork had a disability, but he hardly let it stop him. The tune was covered by The Beatles later. Go figure?

There are issues coming up as I sit and shoot this ere movie, and the feelings aren't all that, really. According to my sources at Wikipedia, time is of the essence. I think of myself, sitting here, pouring my soul out into this hella large and seriously intense story of my life. A retelling. There are -some- liberties, but mostly, my life. I cry at night. I think about 'The Nurse' and what he did to me, I think of the truest of love forms Sharon. She, with her gentle spirit and...I want to do it justice on screen. In fact, I'm sick of the shit that has been happening thus far. Fucking press junkets coming up soon, and I want to speak my mind, if the SHEEP don't try to hold my ass down. Words that bang from my mouth and flow into the EARS OF BABES. They, directors, producers, publicists, they want to make you look so tidy, so up and standing, so perfect. Is the sixteen chapel perfect? Is a flower? An atom? No, none of these, and I'm no different. I made LIFE LIFE didn't make me.