WGA STRIKE NEWS - Carson Daily All That?

What up y'all. It's known that Carson Daily, aka Mr.Day is in the house in more ways than one. According to the new WIKI entry, Daily is going to explode his hilarious comedy across the united states soon, going against orders from the WGA high counsel and doing 'his own damn thing'.

I feel this will strike a mighty punch to the WGA, as Daily is regarded as one of the most talented, hilarious, and witty writers/performers around right now. It's like saying that Michael Jordan is going to be the only player in the NBA. Daily, known for being the most important piece of the lucrative MTV empire in the 90s has been dominating late night TV for the last several years. According to Reuters, Daily will soon replace Conan AND eventually land a prime time slot that will allow him to stretch out Variety show style across several hours.

WWCDD Bumper stickers are the new hot thing, and many HOT TOPICS stores are selling shirts featuring a vintage, circa 1999 image of Carson with some paint splatters. One photoshop blogger has managed to photoshop an EMO haircut onto Carson, and he looks fab! The shirt, titled 'CARSON EMO DAILY' can be found exclusively at Fred Segals in West Hollywood for $150.00 with all proceeds going to the WGA Warriors Fund.

Unsexy? SJP? SAY WHAAA?

SJP SEYZ: ALL THIS NONSENSE IS MAKING
MY DOME ACHE.

The world has come to new levels of low, all of you all. Listen up. We all know that one of the most important, sensual, french dipped straight eight honies on the planet is the luxurious lass know as SARAH JESSICA 'AKA CARRIE' PARKER. She rocked it with FAB AZZ style all up on the SEX AND THE CITY joint for years, making men ACHE and women DROOL with her fab style that took convention AND FUCKED IT UP THE A--. Thats right, like Frank Sinatro she did it 'her ways' and she did it good, real good.

So a magazine called MAXIMUM named her on there top UNSEXY LIST. I don't understand....SJP, UNSEXY? Thats like saying 'my thing' is not satisfactory, y'all. A mister nomer for sure. Another Mister Nomer is the idea that SJP should even apper on a list, when she is G-O-D and everyone else on the list is D-O-G.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER POWER LIFTS A HOMELESS MAN OUT OF
A GUTTER IN FRANCE. WITH ZERO PERCENT BODY FAT, SHE CAN
PRETTY MUCH DO WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS -- INCLUDING
HER OWN DAMN THING....

Look, I can see why you would put her on your list...first of all, shes a woman and she knows whats up when it comes to dating situations. Part of me belives that CHRIS NOTH aka MISTA BIG was behind this, because he didn't want his girl to be TAKEN AWAY from him. It's PUBLIC FUCKING KNOWLEDGE ASS HOLES that SJP and Chris Noth are truly getting it together behind the scenes, and when I mean getting it together I mean straight up BRUNCH AT GORDON RAMSEYS RESTURANTS, THATS CLASSY SHIT. Some of my so called friends have said that there is someone other than SJP that is sexy, but I tell them nay -- I tell them to watch the SITC box set, and try not to finish right there. I remember when Carrie went on a date, and she GIGGLED it was so fun -- she giggled so hard when the fella made a joke. Sensuality is the circulatory system being fully visable from OUTSIDE THE SKIN, FUCK FAT!!! SJP brings it -- shes a walking greys anatomy book, PLUS she goes for her in a dance capacity. SHES A SHADY LADY THAT I WANNA GET WITH FOR SURE!! ANYTIME, GIVE ME A CALL SJP!!! FUCK SHARON, I'M MAD AT HER.

MORE SEXY CITY NEWS!!!

HI, I GOT THIS HOT REPORT FROM SOMEONE NAMED 'SCREENACTORZGILDE-200' regarding the SITC:M.


HI TROY. I LOVE YOUR BLOG. IF YOU USE THIS, CALL ME 'SCREENACTORZGILDE-200' THANX. WELL, I HAVE A FRIEND WHO WORKS IN THE OFFICES IN NEW YORK, THE ONES WHERE THEY ARE STAGING THE NY SCENES OF SEX IN THE CITY. A FRIEND TOLD ME THAT PHIL TIPPET IS BEING FLOWN IN TO PRODUCE THE ANIMATRONIC SEQUENCE WHEREIN KIM CATRAL MORPHS INTO FIRST A KITTEN (FIRST HALF OF THE FILM) THEN A LEOPARD! YES, TIPPET IS A MASTER OF THE MORPHING PROCEDURE HAVING PERFECTED IT ON THE AMAZING SNOOP DOG 'DOGGYSTYLE' VIDEO. THEY HOPE TO CAPITALIZE ON THE NEW COUGAR TREND, AND KIM WILL 'GO FOR HERS' IN THE MOVIE. THE FINAL SCENE, SHE WILL BE HALF WOMAN, HALF COUGAR MAN. IT'S GOING TO BE COOL! THINK PANS LABRNYTH MEETS THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK MEETS OH MY GAWD, SEX IN DA CITY.

i HAVE NO IDEA IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT, but i hope so. please god!!!!!

sIGNED, 'tROY'

Sex In The City Movie News! SCRIPT REPORT!

Hi friends. Well, I got my hand on some more pages of shooting script from a good associate who goes by the name of MANHATTENSFINEST-001 . He/She is a PA on the set, and he has some juicy azz gossip for all of you all players and people out in there. Well, I don't want to reveal who this person is, but I will tell you that he/she was privy to some GREEN SCREEN shots of a one MISS KIM CAT-RAL yes, I emphasized CAT because of the HARD HITTING sequence in the SITC movie wherein she MORPHS into a cat. I'm so sexed up thinking about it, and I know you are too, sick fucking perverts.

So, anyways -- check it out, as I established, she has a rigorous STD that cannot be diagnosed in the film, and she is still dating that Calvin Klein dude, who is going to have a mustache in the flick (Tres Retro!!!). In this sequence, Carrie is having a date with a male suitor who she is dating to make MISTA BIGG jealous, as he will not marry her. She has on a white tumbled cotton frock, orange halter style Gautier' shenswa, orange make up, and a clown hat/purse, she looks fab and knows it. She has worked out really hard, so she has 0% body fat which looks good on her face especially (not in the script notes). Anyway, our girl Carrie is walking down the street and has some TOP NOTCH dialog to boot:

CARRIE: Oh, wow [looking at city lights] and burrrr...I'mmm coolllld! [tittering]

MALE: Yeah? So -- why don't you wear a jacket next time.

CARRIE: Well, a real gentleman would offer---

MALE (cutting her off): would offer you this...?

THE MAN MOTIONS TO A FAB MINK COAT WHICH IS HANGING OFF A HOMELESS PERSONS NECK.

MALE: See they -DO- have a purpose Carrie.

The two laugh as Carrie grabs the coat from the homeless person. She puts it on, and smiles. She does LOOK AB FAB!

MALE: This is what it would be like...to be....with me.

The two share a moment.

SUDDENLY A helicopter is heard overhead, and a man is DROPPING DOWN from a rope. He drops directly between them MISSION IMPOSSIBLE STYLE.

MISTER BIG: Did someone say 'be with me'? [TO MALE] Well, I wouldn't be with you if you were the last person on earth --

CARRIE: AWE! BIGG. Argh! Harumph! Always in the wrong place at the wrong time!

Male looks to Bigg in astonishment -- he feels like he's staring at a statue of jesus himself!
Bigg looks at Carrie and the two lock eyes.

MISTER BIG: you see Kid, me and you -- we goin places. To the moon!

BIG motions up and his helicopter drops another rope...the two asend toward the moonlight.


OH MY GOD!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS. I HOPE SOMEHOW THEY CAN WORK UGLY BETTY INTO THIS!!!

Peace, 'Troy'

the new ipod is a dick.

well, well, well. It looks like the new ipod 'touch' is a bit of a self-centered dick head, fucking asshole, asswad. I bought it, and I touched it. I touched it for the entire night. I touched it with my hands, my toes, even my 'part' yeah, -the- part -- the main part.

I touched it with my part for hours. I used cover-flow with 'my part' and even tho 'my part' eventually got sore and a little rashey, I was able to select my favorite Macy Gray Jam and serious listen to it with MY SOUL. Thats right, I touched this thing all night, and you know what it did for me? NUTHIN FOOLS, absolutely nothing.

I thought to myself, what would be THE innovation that 'jobo' would unleash, the one thing that we have wanted since Brent Spinner brought the incomprable MISTA DATA to life? A sentient chip. I wanted this FUCKING THING to have some emotions. I touch it, I prod it, I play with its bits, and it DOES NOTHING FOR ME. It leaves me cold to the touch. Well, BFD you got COVER FLOW -- how about blood flow...to the heart. Think about that tomorrow, jerks.

The Revolution : Mister Nurse, Man Or Menace?

What The Revolution Looks Like, Pt.1

Carrie to have penis in SITC:TM?

I just got off the phone with a friend who worked on the album 'Shes a Shady Lady' by Leonard Kravitz, featuring CARRIE from Sex In the City. You might remember the groundbreaking advertisement, that swept horny sexuality across the world and solved some major global crisis -- similar to how Superman reversed the earth in Superman 2.

Well, this friend, lets call him 'SLIM SHADY' said that Carrie may have a penis in the Sex In The City Movie. THIS IS JUST SPECULATION. Here is what he sent me. Do with it what you will. Okay?

HI 'TROY', LOVE THE SITE. IF YOU USE THIS CALL ME 'SLIM SHADY'. WELL, I WORKED ON THE VIDEO 'SHADY LADY' WITH LENNY KRAVITZ AND SARAH JESSICA PARKER A FEW YEARS AGO. I JUST RAN INTO SJP AND SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE IS MEETING WITH ILM TO SEE ABOUT ADDING A PENIS TO HER SILOHETTE IN THE SEX IN THE CITY MOVIE. I ASKED HER WHY, AND SHE SAID 'IT WAS TOP NOTCH, SECRET, ZA ZA ZA ZOO'. I WAS VERY CURIOUS. I KNOW YOU ARE A BIG FAN OF HER, SO I THOUGHT YOU COULD USE THIS INFO. THNX

I finn a don't know if this is true or a misnomer, but if it's true THAT WILL ROCK THE VERY CORE OF THE SEX IN THE CITY UNIVERSE.

Do Clowns Have Sex Appeal? Yeah...

It came to my attention lately that some people in the liberal media are claiming that Clowns are not perceived as 'sexy'. Well, yo, I straight up disagrree with that assumption. Firstly, let my state that Clowns, or as they are known 'Clownz' in the more hip-communities such as Williamsberger or otherworld, are very sensual creatures. In the early 19th century, a man named John Clown decided that the way to the heart of women was via a transformation that involved make-up. I'm serious, yo, the clown nose, the face, the white skin -- think about it? Does it remind you of something'? Perhaps a GEISHIA? Yes, a GEISHIA of sorts, indeed. Clowns are essentially Male GEISHIA and are part of a seductive dance of sensuality. John Clown went on to be known as Cassanova, and other terms -- a urban legend that is based in 100% reality.

Now, I say this because people have been extremely critical that me hiding behind the make up to play 'DA JOKER 2' was a misstep. They said " 'Troy' why would you hide your sensual qualities behnd all dat make-up. We can barely see your smiling face" I looked them into the eye and said "Exactly, thats it. Now move along" I said, quite awesome if you ask me!!!

So as the clowns say "UHGH, YOU KNOW IT!"

Signed,

'Troy'

Nike DUNK x Whatistroy Preview.

I am going to get in mad trouble for posting these! Nike is working with me on these kicks for Winter. They will tie in with the TROY: LESSONS OF THE HEART epic feature film. Sorry in advance if I'm not suposed to post these protos, Nike! Hopefully they will look a little tighter(these are painted protoz), if you will, when they arrive in limited quantities.

'Troy'

DARK KNIGHT SET PHOTOS! SPOILER ALERT

Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is in for it. Looks like DA
JOKER 2 ('Troy') might just have the the last laugh! [c. wb 2007]

I know this is going to be removed soon by the POWERZ that be, but I had to show y'all. Yes, I was in Dark Knight Returns, and yes Christopher Nolan specifically wanted me to play 'DA JOKER 2'. Thats right, I was the guy who faked being the Joker, but WARNER BROS thought that I was going to overshadow Heath Ledge. I don't disagree with them. I'm sending you this still of me, THE ACTUAL still that they are now showing with HEATH in MY ROLE. I say thee nay, WB. Why throw away your franchise, because you're affraid I will OUTSHINE IT?

Signed, 'Troy'

Carries Boob Shape Altered for SITC:TM?

PARISFILMFAN.COM is reporting that Carries boobs may be shaped differently for the Sex In The City Movie!!! Yes, possibly cones or triangles. According to the site, there will be a side-story wherein Carrie has to compare her boobs to those of someone 2 years younger. Apparently, Carrie feels that her boobs are still fab, but blogs are saying otherwise. NOT THIS ONE CARRIE!!! The BLOGOSPHERE IS ON FIRE ALL OF YOU ALL!!!!!!!


THis is going to be the BREAST movie ever. HEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHE.

'Troy'

Samantha Ressurected In SITC Movie?

Friends. I just finished reading a working draft, a new one that my boy hooked me up with. So, the Samantha story is pretty deep. I know many of you like her, because she speaks like a cat, and is full of sexual appeals. It's cool -- I think she is all that, not more. Well, for those of you who can't get enough 'all spark' on her, here is some good wordz:

Samantha is resurrected into a feline for a fantasy sequence in the Sex In The City Movie! Carrie Bradshaw, now working for Mista Bigg main lines pure meth and starts to dream about a cafe' in Paris she visited with the Russian dancer dog. Well, he was a dog, that is for sure. Well, the cafe is tres chic and all that. She remembers having baguettes full of umbrellas and wearing a uber cute Leus Croix Berret in fauna green. In her dream, she is naked except for a photograph of her as a younger gal, she looked more different then. This sequence is described as 'Fellini-esque' in the script. Carrie wanders the streets, and she is accompanied only by a kitten. A small kitten that purrrrrrs...well, the cat purrrs and is horny for some sex! Yes, she likes to do it! Carrie realizes, in her meth'ed out state that this cat is Samantha...or is it???

Not to drop too many spoilers, but Chris Noth morphs at least ounce in the film, as ILM is working on something called 'GREEN SCREEN' for those of you who aren't into movies, this is what is used when people want to make morphing effects. The most highly evolved version can be seen in the Michael Jackson Black or White Video. Well, I think Carrie Bradshaw is going to morph....on the inside. Life lessons y'all.

- 'Troy'

SEX IN THE CITY THE MOVIE, MORE SPOILERS.

I was lunching at The Ivy Store eating lunch. A friend of mine, the same fellow who got me the SITC:TM script had some more dirt. I was like 'whoa, for real?' Anyway, he pulled out a script -- a new script, version 2. I was excited. There was more here.

First, some updates.

Noth is called 'Mista Big' by Samantha who starts to try and be more up-to-date. At one point Carrie calls Samantha 'Da Queen' and she keeps that moniker for half the film. Noth will definitely feature some meat, but more importantly, he has a new gig : publisher of the New York Times.

Mista Big will try and 'give carrie' a new job, writing a column about how being fab is out of date, the article will be called 'Sad In The City'. Has big become a heathen?

It's possible that Carrie will become the focal point for a man-off featuring her former loves, including Ron Livingston and the guy from My Big Fat Wedding. There is a cheeky scene which describes Carrie having a TB induced hallucination wherein she sees the men fighting for her like gladiators with laser guns. It's something that would have been too expensive to pull of on TV, but now it's on the big screen. The sequence might also feature cameos from other Carrie men.

Miranda is now President of 'Oil Corp NY'. She has just negotiated a deal that will net the company millions in dividends, but at what cost? The deal will allow 'Oil Corp' to dump toxic chemicals into Manhatten Water! Miranda is being portrayed as one who 'lost her way'. She is described as having 'all that, and a sense of style to boot' in the footnotes.

I see where this is going, the story is about redepmtion. How can four girls come back together and wave their fab flags? How indeed. I'm excited to get back to the script. More later, mon feinds yo.

'Troy'

MORE SEX IN THE CITY, MR.BIG, CHRIS NOTH IN FILM,?

Hi fans. So, I've been able to snatch a few more looks at the 'Sex In The City' movie script. It's all on the DL for y'all out there. If you've read my previous posts, you know things are all crazy in the Sex world. Many of you are e-mailing me desperate to know the status of Mr.Big aka Chris Noth in the film. YES, HE DOES APPEAR. I have confirmed this. I have also confirmed my second most important e-mail question, DOES HIS BEEF MAKE A CAMEO? Well, I think so.

See, for those of you who have the courage to watch Sex in the City, the show, which is this generations Woodstock, a revolutionary tale of power and sex in the city, a monster of counterculture throughout the 1990s. For those of you who have the 'ganas' to do so, you know the improtance of BIG aka Mista Noth up in the mix. Well, one of the clues, the pandoras box of the show was weather or not Mr.Big was called Mr.Big because of a heavy weighted cock and ball. Many have speculated, and many blogs and on-line resources are dedicated to it. See, the writers of SEX laid clues throughout all episodes, not unlike the Davinci Code.

In the script, there is a shot described as 'Rory's First Kiss' as a joke on the Dark Knight pseudonym. Well, this shot is a dolly pan of a 'taught peice of skin, with coarse hairs poking out'. This shot pulls back slowly to reavel 1/4 of a ballsack hanging from 'a fabulously silky pair of gucci breifs, brizo breifs' . It is my assumption that this shot SETS OFF THE FILMS SECOND ARC AND LEADS TO A REVEAL OF NOTHS MEMBER. I believe part of the suspense will be the mystery of Bigs nuts, balls, etc.

Well, I'm so tired, y'all. I filmed a sequence today where I had to fight a dear friend, and possibly lose one all in the same. Damn, this film is hell of sad, you all.

'Troy'

MORE SEX AND THE CITY SCRIPT SPOILERS!

Your boy 'Troy' here. More notes from the Sex and the City movie script I got a glimpse at. Well, Y'all wondering what happened to your gurl Samantha?

Well, When Carrie recovers from her horny dream, she realizes that lifes foibles are what defines 'us'. She sits at her APPLE G5 specially designed for the film, featuring a cutout of Carries face that glows, and 'narrates' a passage about how boyfriends are like cafe's in france: some are good, some aren't, but they are abundant! (awesome profound, too, propers).

She decides its time to get tha girls together. This scene WILL BE TRES CHIC. She calls up all the girls, and there is a four-way split screen, we get to see a glimpse of what tha ladiez have become, but let me jump to SAMANTHA, Y'ALL FAVORITE SEXXED UP SASS.

Samantha is in a hospital, suffering from a rare STD that can't be diagnosed. She is not alone, as her boytoy, the CK Model is all up in there with her, just strickly chilling and what have you. We see Doctors talking about how this STD is rare, and has no cure, and they are down on it. We get the vibe that she doesn't have long to live....Samantha overhears a DOC talking, and she turns to her boy and says 'you know what? If I don't, meow, have time to live -- then I'M GOING TO LIVE IT UP! mrowr..." She exclaims in a fabulous way (as always).


The next scene, Samantha is just getting dressed -- it's like the scene from BATMAN FOREVER when the BM gets dressed. She pulls on her panties, then her blouse, then her stunning Channel belt, then a skirt made of Possum firm and glue, finally a super fab clutch. THe audience stops, and she breaks the 'fourth wall' and says 'YOU KNEW I WAS FAB,,DIDNNNT YOU?'

The CK Model dude helps her escape by dressing up as a Doctor, and putting Sam on a hospital cart. There is a FUNNY AZZ scene wherein Samantha gets up, looking hot as always, and STOPS A OLD MANS HEART, HE DIES off screen.... funny, Anyway, The two get out, when MIRANDA makes her first appearance, riding a horse(expained later). Sam, CK Dude and Miranda ride off through Manhattan traffic -- this scene is described as 'Michael Bay-Esque'.

It's unclear what happens to Charlotte, except her character is described as being 'broke' and 'terminally sad'. It looks like one of the story arcs will be Carrie trying to re-invigorate her ladies brigade with a slew of analogies comparing relationships with other things. I think maybe Charlotte broke off with the bald dude, and now she is not happy, and basically a fucking loser. This was a contractual GUARANTEE BY the girls because Kirsten Davies has starred in several Tim Allen Disney movies, and that makes them FUCKIN' PISSED AT HER (jealous, mrowr.)

More Later. I've got ADR until 3:00am.

SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE SCRIPT, I'VE SEEN IT!

I'm on the set this week, filming against green screen for an upcoming promo. An associate dog on the set told me he had something for me. I wasn't sure at first, and wanted to make sure he wasn't going to be giving me his special assistant for life. I called a pal, and we met clandestine, yo. It was all good, I promise. A friend had given me a VHS copy of a show called Sex & The City, which was randy indeed. Very horney, I thought. I felt it was very counterculture, something like Kurt Vonegat or Dennis Leary the LCD person. If it's counterculture, I'm in like flynn. I watched this show, and I was charmed, yo, I'm surious.

It was very satisfactory, and I watched all seasons. I was so fuckin sad when it ended. It hurt.

Word around the film community was hot and heavy, erhm....yes Sex and The City was back on track, but this time as a feature film! I was so excited, but even more excited to meet up with my friend, and get a peek at the TOP SECRET SCRIPT.

Oh, I will give you a few teasers, but I promoise THERE WILL BE HELLAMORE Y'ALKLHURD?

It stars all the original girls: carrie, samantha, etc.

Mr.Big is featured heavily, and most importantly SO DOES HIS MEAT.

It's been rumored that Mr.Big got his name because he has a big peice of meat in his pants, and if this script turns out to be the final version, the audience will finally get to see it. The opening scene has Carrie getting a tattoo of Audry Hepburn on her lower back in a paris cafe', it might be a dream sequence or some such. She is wearing a pink poofy skirt, fishnets, red 80's style bopsie socks, 7' Manhlo PUMPS (ruby red, think dorothy!), a sweater vest, gold lame' shirt, and a super cute hat with 12' brim, matching poof ball and embroidered details. As she is getting the tat, someone mysterious enters the room : he's french, and very dreamy. We don't know what Carries status is at this point, but we do know she is fab!

The dreamy gent steps to her and says something like 'oui, are you famous Carrie, sex and city?" and she giggles, oh she giggles...it will feel so rewarding to hear that laugh again, that sweet laugh of Carrie.

Right as she is about to say yes, it turns out she can't talk, she has TB (think it's a dream) and apparently is quarantened, but still acting outside the law, as the rebel she portrayed for so many years.

Two medical officers (hotties, most likely, CK modelz) walk in and say 'you are under-arrest!! for being a foxxer!'

Well, I'm about to go back on set. I PROMISE Y'ALL I'LL BRING YOU MORE TOMORROW. HURD THAT?

First iPhone Review: Lacking features, not sensuality.

Well, Joboso just sent me one of the first production iPhone units. He obviously is trying to get with me, and get me on board with his anti-human thing. I understand what he saying, but yo, things aren't as easy as 1-2-3, pay me, pay me. I have something called moralz, and I stick to em' like glue, hurd?

So, I opened the box. I know all these people are out there, searching, preying for this thing. I know this is so important to people. I thought, fine -- let me check it out. I'm in my trailer, waiting, just waiting to step on set. I opened the box, and pulled out the phone.

First impression: Looks nice, I guess, if you like corporate crap that is totally cluttered. Where are the buttons? First -- where are they? What is this sposed to be, a TV set? I mean -- even a TV has buttons. Cheap, cheap ass shit. Whats next...no antenna? I KID YOU NOT, THERE IS NO ANTENNA ON THIS POS!

So, I'm thinking, how the hell am I going to use this clunker without buttons or an antenna? Laugh. I opened the manual, which Jobs wrote 'you're the best, enjoy this thing, call me with it and we can talk' then he put his numberos. I thought about him for a few, then read the manual. I think you're sposed to touch this screen. What is this the year 2000?

So, I finally get it working. Some of the features.

1.) Music Player, can play songs in a format called AAC or MP3, not sure what it means. I'm going to mod mine so it can accept compact discs (DUH) instead of FORMATS THAT NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF. Why didn't they just put an 8TRACK in this POS!?

2.) Phone. There ARE NO BUTTONS on here, so good luck getting anything to work easily. I just finished fully lotioning my body, so it's hard to use a touch screen. Did they think of that? 90% of the country lotions hourly, how are they expected to use this?

3.) Penis. My model has an extendable penis function. I found this by accident, and I was quite startled. The iPenis mode may have been just for me and I can't figure out what to do with it. I compared it to my own 'equipment', to no avail.

4.) Apple Insignia. The back of the phone has an apple insignia, which is NO SUPRISE at all. Why didn't they just put a picture of HUMANITY BEING CRUSHED BY ZOIDS because thats where this is all heading. Assholes.

5.) BBSing capability. This is cool, I looked at some of my boards via telnet, and it worked. I also logged into my Compuserv account. I don't get it, no AOL bundled? Thats going to cause lots of problems out there. I was hoping to check the weather and sports, but without AOL I was a little lost. I don't get the world today.

The thing is pretty sensual, if you ask me -- thats it's strongest point. I sat it down across from me, and I felt nervous. There was some energy there, I don't kid you. There was a sexual tension across the room. I didn't want to use it for calls, or for bbsing, or for anything-- I just wanted to make love to it. I started thinking about myself, and about this thing -- and I got hot and bothered, yo it was fab!!!

The next day, I'm thinking, I will take it out for some light dinner, then take it back to my trailer and ----- the SHIT out of it.

Can't wait, YUM!

Greatest Mysteries In Cinema...

When Orson Welles made his movie 'Citizen Cane' in the early forties, he put forward a challange to y'all making movies out there. He said [paraphrazed] "yo, movie makers, you need to have a mystery in your picture, you know what I'm sayin?". I remember those words. I sat outside, in the cold rain, and thought about it. You see, I had just seen 'Citizen Cane' on a pictoscope at the Reynolds Theater in Mesa, AZ. I wanted to thank Mr.Cane for the movie, which I felt was [a little long] but really fun. Since that day, those 'in the know' have pondered one little word : "Rosebuds". What does it mean? Perhaps, yo, you may have heard this in a joke? A pop-culture reference or some such thang....well, I'm here to tell you, like Cane told his fellow movie men that it has much signifigant.

I'm telling you this because I've got my own film, an undetaking that is mammoth, not unlike what Orson Cane did for his movie back in the yesteryear of filmmatics. I am telling a great mystery, and I am telling it with pizzazz, and gusto. So, what is 'Rosebuds' you ask? Well, when I watched 'Citizen Cane' I pondered many options....first, I figured it was a plant he used to have as a child, then I thought it might be something bigger -- like some ex-gal, or perhaps cleaning supplies. I realized that it was an analogory for the entire film! Rosebuds was a piece of wood that came from his childhood mantle where he slept [this is never fully explained in the film, you just see an old ass Cane sittin there with tears and shit, and he is holding this peice of wood with the word 'Rosebuds' written on it. Scholars argue, but I know, I know thats what it was]. It was a powerfull seen, but a mystery throughout y'all whole film. Don't sleep -- I know you want to see it now, dontcha?

Mysteries like this are 1 in 1 million, but I have put something together for my friends, fans, others. What exactly is MISTER NURSE and what importance does he have on my life? Is he a human, perhaps alien, other species? Does he fight me, or help me? Hug me or hit me? So many options, too little time! As they say in greek: 'Chu Chanto Muy Bien, Guapo' or 'Handsome times require Handsome challanges'.

Thats all y'all. Until next time, KIT.

'Troy'

I have a Krakken In My Pants.

I just finished doing ADR for episode 2, and I have to say, it's shaping up hella well. I did some research, and I spoke to our Directors and writers, and I wanted to bring reality to the HILT this time. I like to think of it like I think of sex, or cameras. I use my LENS and I TAKE PICTURES of things I like. If you replace the word lens with a naughty word like PETER things take on a whole new shape, a new shape indeed, yo.

This episode is about REBIRTH. What happens to a man like myself when a beautifull dove is ripped from my arms by a henious Jackyl-Lord? That man, that white haired devil...he thought he had the upper hand, but what of my own angel? If I am indeed a remaking of the holliest hella rad dogs, then what indeed protecteth mah?

But, things are not what they seem to be. Ask dicks out there, because I speak reality. Who is MISTER NURSE exactly? Did he help me, harm me, what else? Is he tall, is he dope, rad? Perhaps, dumb? What IS HE? Has there EVER been a greater mystery in cinema? This is why I'm an ART-I-TECH. I mine for art, I slave for art, art and me do it to it. What would you do if you saw me in the mirror instead of you, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Think about it, then holla back ya hurd?

Troy Vs. Jobo

Whats up 'Steve Jobo'. What is possibly the worst thing I could do to smite you? Yeah, I'm mad at you. See my last post, but for real -- Macintoshers are naming their computer systems after animals and food, and not PEOPLE. That is what happened in T2. I don't want a robot in my head, telling me WHAT TO DO and WHAT NOT TO DO. Thats why I have to make a statement. Even tho I utlize hella tight radicon eqiptment such as the Macer 10 and Quick Times Pro, I had to make a statement. Yes, I know you've contacted me and asked that I sign an exclusive contract to promote the new MacBook Pros, especially when I start press junkets in late 07, early 08 for the film-- but, I have to make a point, Jobo. I have to make a point...so, here it is. As Oscar Wild said 'To each his own, choose a mobile phone, a tailored suit, a luxury home..." Right now wizards at ILM are affixing the following tatty to my chest for Episode 2...

MY Keynote address.

Dear Steve 'Jobs',

My name is 'Troy'. I am both an auetuer, a dramatic actor, a thespian, a warrior, and a photag. I take pictures. I capture life. What do you do? Make Macs, apples, compus? I make life and develop it, you make life and complicate it. Have you ever seen those commercials that show Windows Computors and Macintosh computers, but represented as 'people' instead of machines? Thats calleld personification. It's the process in which a hard core mother fucker takes a non-living entity and personifies it, personifcation. Maybe you should -watch yo self- next time you make a keynote address.

Look, I will be the first to tell you, I don't know the first damn thang about the Apple Macin or the Windows Viewers. I do run PHOTOSHOPPE on my computer, but it's one I made out of an oatmeal box -- a pinhole computer if you will. I guess you made a 'keynote' speech this week. Well, I have a key, and it opens a lock to a place called 'AUTOMATION OF SOCIETY' yo, bad stuff indeed. Have you ever seen Soylent Green? A movie about how computers will soon turn heads into piles of food? Aren't you affraid? I look at your MacinBook and see doom, I see dread. Quite frankly, I see sorrow.

Leopard? How about LEOTARD because it stretches over your body and consumes it. It's like a leotard, and you're a leopard in sheeps clothes. A predator waiting to strike thine throat. Shakespear said it best 'Thy computer is not thine to own, not thine to drinketh from, upon thine lips speaketh thy apple, upon thy lips speakteth tho death..' That was 40 some odd years ago. Still rings true.

I want a MacinBook computer, mommy get it for me. Mommy, can I have a Macin Printer, a Macin cable, some Macin hamburgers, mommy? Oh, mommy please. Mommy? Can I have a MACIN CYBER CORE to control my thoughts. Whats that mommy? MY CYBERCORE wants me to only feel happy, it wants me to only do right...Mommy, I don't recognize you I AM NOW CYBERCORE.

Imagine, how something so simple can change into that nightmare I painted above. Heads sure are a listening, but are you speaking what they want to hear? I'm sick of assholes like you and Axel Rose. I hate you both. Jobs and Rose, two guys who don't understand what I need out of life.

Why not make a computer named after an inventor like Albert Einstein, Ron Popeil, Tucker? Why not make a computer named after a human, instead of an animal, instead of a fruit. The Mac Banana Fox. Thats a great name....asshole.

More on you later Jobo.

Signed, 'Troy'

WARP SPEED IN THE YEAR 2 SEVEN

Whats up? So, The new show 'Make a movie' with Stephen Speilberg is on tonight. I thought I might take a look at it because, me am making a film and I felt it needed to be explored. I logged onto WikiTV and I started typing some keyz, I wanted to choose my own keys, I HATE the established order of QWERTY, yo. I say, no. In the early 19th century, when keyboards were being developed by the Knights in the Knights + Dragons era of History, they decided that a man who went by the name QWERTY was important. He talked, and thus, the letters were born.

Why take a year old contrivance, and hell of associate it with the keyboards of the 21st and 22nd centuries? Why don't we just 'pull a chain' to flush our bowls, or use leafs to finish in the toilet. It's called advancementism. See, man likes to advance it's sciences and thingz, and that is what man does best. Why would we harkon back toward the knights and dragons era, or the laura ingles period? Why would anyone make a chair by hand? We have developed roboticons to do this for us. Dog, it's called reality, maybe you should check your PDA or CAMERA PHONE at the door and recognize that these are both products of societial advancementism.

Yo, you never thought that Mr.Troy would be dropping some brainism on all of you alls mind spaces? Speaking of. I think it's fun when we like to do it up in the house. It's all of good, peeopz..

For those of you interested, and according to my COMPUSERV account, many of you are. Episode two is being put together right now, but first, it is being evaluated by the Associated Press for possible inclusion in the AP ALMANAC, something created in association with YAHOO GROUPS, Mapquest and a prince from Egypt who needed help cashing a check. It's live, and serious, and for those of you who are scared, YES, BOO BOO DOES FACE ADVERSITY in this chapter. That is called REALITY, and another word for you, REALITUDE.

Tattoo of a baby.

What is up there, dogz. I want to get a tattoo of a baby on my shoulder, but I haven't got one. Should i buy one on Craigs list, or just make up a fake baby face and pretend it's mine? My life is in transition, I need help and ideas, fellows.

tears are salty

I know because I've been crying all night. Tears on my face, and tears in my heart. Don't judge me.

My Life Is Imploding.

'you better check yourself, before you wreck yourself'
- Ice Cube feat. Das Efx

Life is like a sad face. Sometimes it frowns, and other times, it isn't sad, it's deceptive. I think this is my life. There are many things that are not all of that, and I need to flip up the script up and explain it to all of you all.

First, I decided to hell of go and get some new TATZ, for those who aren't down with my lingo slang, TATZ is short for 'tattoos'. According to websters, and WAPEDIA a tattoo is a surgical pigmentation that is implanted intoward your skin molecular cells. I have so many, I do now. FUCK establishment! I have all of my fav cameraz all up and down all of my armz, and I'm getting a new tatty on my stommy : It reads in old englash letters 'TAKE THIS' and then there is a picture of a shutter, and an arrow that points DOWN. Yeah, I GO FOR IT. I GO FOR IT. I am turning a deaf ear toward the world right now. F you AXEL, that NAME IS FITTING.

I was going to make China Democracy a major hit, and I was going to drop my life for you. I'm sick of it. Why don't you go and roll around in your piles of cash... I don't need none of that chedder because I have something called 'artism', it's like narcolepsy, but for artists, dick.

Back in 1986 when you wanna make piss/I wanna make money in both of my fists, so I take out me camera and snap some pics/wake up smell the roses, cause you aint sh--!
-'Troy' from his China Democracy journal.

The passage above would have been on your album, but guess what? YOU BLEW IT! . Can you imagine that passage dissing your man Slasher? Your ex-pan Duffy, and Kagan? Kagan would have pissed on himself if you added his lame name, like 'Kagan, you think you drum with one arm, I think you DUMB with one arm'. An Axel is supposed to keep things spinning, but you 'my friend' (I thought I could call you that, but you're only a friend to people you trust, know and respect, I don't need a friend like that jerk...) don't keep -anything- spinning.

Well, my movie, typical Hollyweird. The producers want to WATCH WHAT WE SHOT. They don't like it, think it's too 'real' to true. I bet they told that to Martie Scorcesen when he made Mad Streets and Rageing Bull. Maybe they should think with their MINDS instead of their BILLFOLDS. Think about that when you sip your drinks.

'Troy'

Axel, you are officially on my sh@t list!

yeah, yeah it's your boy, Troy. I'm SICK of this. Axel, you think your all of that? Guess what buddy - you aren't! You think just because you wrote Cherry Pie, and Live and Let Die, you think just because you wrote those songs, you're something? Guess WHAT? YOU AINT NOTHING IN MY EYES! I wanted to join you. I was going to be your symbiote, I was going to be part of you. I wanted to weave into you like your hair is a weave. I want to run, I want to run so fast that a TRAIN can't catch me. Life is like that, it's prickly, it's hard and dirty. I've been had so many times, and I'm tried of it. I can imagine, you sitting in your mansion on beverly hills drive, kicking it with your 'guy friends' Slasha-10, duffy and the guy from The Replacements, all just sipping on some brew dogs, LAUGHING AT TROY. Well TROY IS SAD, is that WHAT YOU WANTED? Well you got it fricking mean jokers. It's real funny isn't it? I am sitting here, wearing GnR clothing, everything. I bought iron ons and ironed on a GnR logo onto my thong. It's so tight, this thong -- its for GIRLS, because you wore tight pants, and I wanted to be just LIKE YOU. Well, I learned pal, I learned that yo are not ALL OF THAT AT ALL. Maybe you should HAVE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR and see the sad face that looks back, then wipe that TEAR away that you are sure to have and think about the ARTIST who is here on the other side of planet rejection, ready to make a MOVIE THAT WILL BRING IT.

AXEL: I HATE YOU DOG!

Signed, 'Troy' (my mama always said their would likely be days simil

Axel, what would you do if I ran away?

Dear Axel Rose,

Apparently you're too busy being stupid to answer my emails. I'm so upset with you Axel, I thought you and me would do something together? Something to challenge the status quo? THE TRUTH IS, maybe YOU ARE the STATUS QUO. Remember when you wore those NWA hats all up onto of your head? Well, now you should wear RONALD REGAN hats because you're probably voting for him or Martain Landau in West Wing, DICK. I'm so tired of you rock stars, 'importantes'' as the french call them. You should be SEEKING me, I shoot photographs wonderfully, beautifull works. I act my soul out on film, even on VIDEO, I connect with my AUDIENCE, and I release. When was the last time you had it with a girl? I bet not just the other day, because I did it for so long the other day I was relatively sore in my box. You probably don't like it, hah hah. You would probably rather NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS than DO IT. You are missing out on something that would make CHINESE DEMOCRACY A MAJOR HIT RECORD...me. Forget Slashman, forget Duffet, forget the guy without an arm, or the guy with a bucket of chicken ontop of his dome space, you need me. I was brining you soul. MY soul. You probably sold yours to el diablo ages ago, right after 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' came out and made money for THE ESTABLISHMENT. Well, maybe I will pull out my HOLGA MEDIUM FORMAT CAMERA and shoot some SNAPS, yeah -- it has light leaks, BUT FUCK CONVENTIONALISM. I AM AN ARTIST. When was the last time you sang inside your MIC without counting those green duckets, you? Think about that when you are driving your Mach 5 down the street, punching baby walruses in the face and eating dolphin meat straight from the bone, JERK.

What would you do if I ran away? Just left this place? Would you MISS ME THEN? I bet you would, I bet YOU ALL WOULD.

Axel. You Hurt me, causes tear.

Dear Axel,

I'm a little worried. Are you 'okay'? I am. I want to reconnect with you. I think the idea of you, me and Jessie forming the new GnR will be the solution you need! I mean, I don't care about Jessie, because he is already famous and probably isn't on the same level as us musically speaking, but I want me and you 2 B 2.

When my pants are down, and I think of the day. Before I comb my hair, and stare outside the rain, it clings to me, like the sadness that speaks to me. In the cold November Rain. I want to remake that song, FIRST thing we do. I want to do a remake of it, so bad. I want to sit there, in a room with you, KICKIN it as hard as you can, and just lay out some lyrics. I use different colored (or coloured in UK) inks to establish the emotional thread I want lay down through song structures. For example, people associate the color blue with sorrow -- and rain... do you get it?

Well. I know you're just busy, and soon you will be calling me. If you get my machine PLEASE leave a message as I might be shooting this movie, yeah -- about me. I feel it's important, but you're important. Oh my Axel, you plus me equals a whole lot of ...love. Think on it.


Best,

'Troy'

SET REPORT: INTENSE DAY.

Today was my day. I declared it when I woke up. It was going to be a rough day on the set. Shit, I mean -- do you hear that? The sound of comedy and tragety taking a back seat to the REALITY that inside of soul? In germany they call it Glotszpkt, or 'treasures of the heart'. Imagine what it would be like to RELIVE a terrible moment inside of your life? Would you do it? COULD you? Would you be MAN or WOMAN enough to STEP UP to the PLATE and RELIVE IT? yo, I do not believe that you would have fortitude to do it. I did. Thats what I DO. I am hella real, strong. I act, but I act life like a play made of Shakespear and others, those of the english language, who forged the ups and downs of our existance.

My lawyer says this is confidential, and I shouldn't be talking about it -- but, what give? I givea 100% and this is MY LIFE so forget WHAT THEY SAY. My director, he's a dick, but I feel he wants to make my performance 'movie like' like I was making fluff, The Battleship Potemkin or some other CRAP hollywood film. I don't do hollywood, holly would want to do me if she could do it to me like that. I don't want to make a fucking joke of myself. So I ACTED, yeah - like Michael Cain before me, like Jeremy Miller or Nichelson Cage as Randall 'Memphis' Raines. Back to my point - what would you do if you had to look in the eye, the beast? The white clad beast with the red cross upon it's bird like cheast? Would you cry? What if the beast STOLE YOUR SHIT and left you ABANDONED like a dog...what if he took what was most precious from you, most precious...second only to one other. Well, I came back...yeah, it was rough, and I'm about to expose this shit all up in the filmic medium, for YOU.

What would you do? What would you do? I bet you'd fold.

I didn't

...

Axel Watch, Day Three.

Dear Axel,

Remember the good days of GnR? Remember Welcome Inside The Jungle? Tears From Rain? Those songs had so much awesome impact on me. I remember tearing my shirt off in the rain, the blue sky now black and white. I stood outside a farmhouse, and I played my soul like the electric guitar of T,he Slasher. The Slasher wears a top hat, because his brain is tall(see WIKI here). I want to take my shirt, pants and toss them aside. Do you remember the cold november rain, beating acrost your cheast? I do. Give me a call good pal, give me a call and lets get this GnR off the ground. It will be, all of that, I can ASSURE you. good. I'm serious, Axel. I'm sick of this shit. I sit here and work my BALLS into the ground on this fucking movie, and all I get are accolades from the foreign press association 'oh troy is this, troy is that, troy is the next brando...blah blah' I want to take my aggressions out on the open road, the stage. Yeah, I love my ART I love clikcing the shots, suspending motion, suspending the dope moments that occur before my face, my cold face. I do, but I want to rock it with you, you need me, GnR NEEDS this.


Sincerely, 'Troy'

Axel, This is frustrating.

So, I STILL waiting to get a call from axelor, his rep Lydia or any of the other members. I mean, even fing uncle jessie is too busy to call me. I know that dog is working his bone to the core on the Fullest house, but give me a break. I guess these peeps don't see with future eyes, only past eyes. 'Troy', thats where you wanna be at. The future is here, inside of me -- so bright, it hurts. Since the directos ans producers on this movie can't seem to GET IT RIGHT, even after I pour out my SOUL to them, give them a set of reference charts via Google Docs and Wikipedia, and BASICALLY SLAM IT ALL UP SIDE THEIR GRILLS. I have to think about MY future. I'm doing this film, because my Fandom wants it, they need it, they need that hit, that 'Troy' fix that makes them feel like they feel. It's like liquified SEX and ART slammed inside of their ear channels, like television, but with INTEGRITY. The director says 'no, no, we have to do it like this' I tell him 'SHEEP, BAH-BAH' then I click 45 of the most AMAZING SNAPS that any man or woman could conceive, I'm talking Anne Geddes taken to the hilt, so good. Off my NIKON F2, I spit on the ground when I'm done to show them I mean it.

So, I need the GnR fix, like my fans clammor and drool over the work that be bringing it from inside of what I do, my brain that operates at XP-PRO speed, or OS Puma 10. Axel, whats up? I called you. I have written 4 songs, and I will DROP off this film if I need to. Now is the time, we gotta push for tha Grammyz next year, I know it's NOT IMPORTANT to win awards, but we gootta make a statement. Axel, I wnat you close to me, we can work it out, we can work it out....

AXELOR do you hear me? Oh, heaven INSIDE the nature of man...oh inside.

SUPERGROUP.?

I'm excited, very much. I called my friend Axel Rose today and spoke to Lydia his rep. She told me Axe was definitely interested in making some music with me and my crew as proposed in a previous blog. This means alot, because a fool like me, just wants to get out there and do it art way. I love art, be it with the sound, or photosnaps or videos, or whatever it may be. I want to imagine what it would be like to be next to Axeler, with Jessie on the drum kit and myself singing. I heard that the way to salvation is to sing. God told me that. I am going to FUCKING DITCH this movie if I have to in order to tour with the new GnR. It is MY LIFE AND MY RULES. So producers, directors, don't forget who this is about. I'm so EXCITED. I just cannot hide it, no...no. I wrote a song, I want to share it, ok? MY FIRST ONE. I tried to write it in PHOTOSHOP becauze I do it like that, but I couldn't get tha fontz right, they didn't reflect the emotion. I tried SO many cool fonts, I thought it would be rad to write my emotionz in fonts. Like If I was talkin bout the love thang, I could use a heart font, or sadness, I could use a sad font. Here is my song, just regular text.

AXEL, DO YOU HEAR ME? by 'TROY'

'TROY':

LYRICS REMOVED BY LABEL.

thats all I have so far...I feel so vunerable right now...sad, soft.

Sad Sack Thoughts Of A Random Nature.

Yo. What time is it? I often ask myself that before I seize my camera and take a picture. One time, I turned the camera around and pointed it at myself. You might ask yourself, 'yo, is he crazy? arms length, what up?'. Let me tell y'all. THATS LIFE right there, and when you live 'la vita boca' thats how you live. I had an idea of getting a tatt (slang for Tattoo, something you get when a tool embeds ink into your empidermius) on my face, actually on my eye. You wonder, is he crazy, boca? I say "hell yes" you see life hasn't been easy for me, and that makes you hard on the outside. Hard like the shell of a hardboiled egg (thus 'hard' boiled, go figure). Yeah, yeah. My heart broke and is broken, yo. Life goes on. Remember that song? It was written for the show by the same name 'Life Goes On' and was song by Chris Burke, who played Cork Thatcher on the show. Cork had a disability, but he hardly let it stop him. The tune was covered by The Beatles later. Go figure?

There are issues coming up as I sit and shoot this ere movie, and the feelings aren't all that, really. According to my sources at Wikipedia, time is of the essence. I think of myself, sitting here, pouring my soul out into this hella large and seriously intense story of my life. A retelling. There are -some- liberties, but mostly, my life. I cry at night. I think about 'The Nurse' and what he did to me, I think of the truest of love forms Sharon. She, with her gentle spirit and...I want to do it justice on screen. In fact, I'm sick of the shit that has been happening thus far. Fucking press junkets coming up soon, and I want to speak my mind, if the SHEEP don't try to hold my ass down. Words that bang from my mouth and flow into the EARS OF BABES. They, directors, producers, publicists, they want to make you look so tidy, so up and standing, so perfect. Is the sixteen chapel perfect? Is a flower? An atom? No, none of these, and I'm no different. I made LIFE LIFE didn't make me.

TOP SECRET: Animated Concept?

While rumors of the 'Troy' animated series are circulating throughout the 'inner realm', an associate dog of mine e-mailed me something very interesting indeed. Yo, check it. This right here, if it isn't a fake is THE FIRST glipse off the artists table of concept art for my animated adventures. Below is what he sent me, for your eyes only!

TROY. CALL ME 'HACK MASTER 5000'. I AM AN INTERN INSIDE A CERTAIN ARTISTS STUDIO WHO HAVE DONE SOME VERY IMPORTANT ANIMATED WORK, INCLUDING 'KID VIDEO' AND OTHER. SAID ARTIST IS WORKING ON A 'TOP SECRET' PROJECT SUB TITLED 'ROCKET SHIP'. WHEN HE WENT TO LUNCH, I WAS ABLE TO SNEAK INTO HIS OFFICE AND TAKE A SNAP OF HIS DRAWING BOARD WITH MY CELL PHONE CAM. I HAD MY BLUE TOOTH ON, AND STILL DO EVEN THOUGH I'M ABOUT TO GOTO BED. CALL ME 'HACK MASTER 5000'.

Chinese Deomcracy and Other Such Thingz.

I believe Axel Rose is trying to get ah old of me. Yo, word is up. For real though, I must say, I find it quite hell strange that the mastermind behind Welcome To The Jungle is trying to get up inside of my grill. According to various blogs, Axel wants to use me in his newest incarnation of Guns & Roses. No, I am a photo snapper by trade, an Actor by choice and desire, and a wondrous generator of creative zen by nature of the almighty, but a music dude? Well, I believe it's all good.

I checked on Wikipedia recently, and apparently Guns and Roses are planning to reform under a new regiment, one that encompasses alien technology discovered on an alien word called The Moon. Axel and me will co-lead sing, and the other band members will be up to committee. I feel in my heart, a str8 up bangin' band would consist of the following:

'TROY' : LEAD VOCALS / CATERWAULING

It's all good. I can do it all. Michael Jordan used to call himself 'Numbero 23' because he could do it all, play mad basketball with his boys, make cologne and underwear, dunk it. Me, I enjoy the more subtle and less mainstream things of nature, but imagine the steamy shots I could get with my F2 while ON-STAGE! I could shoot directly INTO the light fixtures and move the camera. As an actor, I was told me skills had serious accolades. If to photography I am part Bresson and part Anne Geddes, to acting I am part Marlon Brando and part Mark Linn-Baker , to singing what would I be? Only god knows, yo.


Axel Rose: Lead Vocals . Other than fronting a little tight band know az Guns & Roses, Axel also wrote the apt titled 'Axel F' for the hit movie (y'all know) Beverly Hills Cop . After decades of trying to get the new GnR off the foot, he's now ready to bring Chinese Democracy to the world with the help of tha man aka 'Troy'. Axel still knows whats up. His new braided hat lookin good like my lady Sharon before she got taken by Patric. Shed be better off in my arms, look where I am NOW? I miss you, sad soft.

Now, you might ask yourself -- how do we fill a void left by Slasher the previous guitar dude, and Duff or whatever? In my crib we have a saying 'Carpe Diem'. It means 'The day is precious, you should take whatever positive opportunities you can from it, and do your best to optimize them to their fullest incarnation'. That is why I propose something a bit off. I know many of you are too busy mashing up your songs to realize the impact of what I propose here, but you gotta recognize that what I'm doing is on the real tip. I have always loved harmonies, very precious ones. I hear them in my eyes when I shoot snaps of various things....Nobody does harmony better than this one:

John 'Uncle Jessie' Stamos. Yes, I know what you're thinking. Uncle Jessie is an actor, not a musicado. Well, wrong. dead wrong. Uncle Jessie was the lead singer and writer for his own band Jessie and the Rippers. The band DID IT ALL. Drawing from his roots as an incidental drummer for The Beach Boyz, Jessie brought it all to the table in stunning, erotic fashion. Barbershop choir, FUCK YEAH, he did that shit before ROCKAPELLA even knew what was up. Orchestra tin bangin as fuck ass Sax solos on the drop of a mahfuckin hat? Hell yeah, you know. At Disney World, the sax in the 'rippers' brought it. Stamos and his band of rockin freinds, me and Axel?Are you kidding me?

Just make the call Axel, dog. Make the call.

A Brief History Of Troy: My Art, Part One.

Why does an apple taste so sweet? Why does a Clown hide tears behind his white, plastery, make-up? Does a clown lie? Perhaps, yo. According to Wikipedia, there is no such thing as clowns, no such thing as life, no such thing as love. I sit here, a drink of Ginko Baloba nested in a nice ceramic mug, one of misshapen parts, a sad handle. Outside my window are movie trailers, moving here and there, going for they own, doing what they do. Up in this, I think thoughts of brilliant white stars, constellations, god made creations -- Sharon, an angel -- not from these parts. Her better half resting on my lap, well, in my dreams.


My art. Thats why you all came here, millions, hella waiting to hear the finna correctly taught words that flow forth from my boca (mouth in Spanish, check babelfish if you think I'm a liar, ass). My art. Photographs, photography if you will. Life is not dissimilar to KODACHROME or ILLFORD brand films. Are we then, yo, not unlike a camera? We being human-beings? Is my eye not like an apeture? My finger not like a shutter? My back not like a film-plate holding the film of life against my heart, lungs, thorax?

One day we will be able to capture our images as fast as the human eye captures a tear of sorrow, as fast as our hearts capture the flutter of love. Well, love can be taken from you...quite.

Set Report : Trailer Life

just outside this trailer....

Yo. You would think that being on a movie set would be all of that, and potentially more. Wrong. I'm sitting in my too small trailer, barely able to stretch my newly shorn legs across the room. I asked for a few items, this is mah movie about me, for real. This was my doing. If it wasn't for me, this peice of filmic art, historic art, would be another whack ass Hollyweird yarn. Nah, no way, dog. Why are my pants even on? It so hella hot in here, I feel like I just took a shower (due to the sweat). I believe the yomen invented a little something called AIR CONDITIONING. I mean, who runs this crap set? "Air Condition this", I think as I take several soft clicks with my Nikon F2. I think about a cat I saw outside. This is too soon for me to be recounting this, I realize. I read my script, and I found it difficult. Is this how Jesus felt? Perhaps, indeed, this film right ere might be my cross to bare. This is reality, this is reality. I once had the soft fur of my precious Boo Boo betwixt my fingers. The silken hairs of Sharon resting across my alabaster arm. Now I have to recount it, the pain. All I want is a bigger trailer...something where I can stretch out, be cool. You want me to die for you on this fucking set and you motherfuckers can't even give me a nice trailer?? Is that too hard for yah?

Vote before 11:00pm on 3/22 and E2 TEASER ON-LINE!

We are competing on the IFP short film competition 'Screen Wars'. Please click the link below to vote for Troy: Lessons Of The Heart, Episode 1.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE VIA EMAIL

The link will open up your mail program, all you have to do is click send. You don't need to type anything in the message body. Otherwise, you can goto www.screenwars.net and click 'Vote For This Film' under our title!

Afterward, goto www.whatistroy.com and view the WORLD PREMIER teaser trailer for TROY: LESSONS OF THE HEART, EPISODE 2!

Thank-you! "Troy" will return to his insane postings in the next few days. He is currently recovering from something we can't talk about right now.

LESSON ONE ON TV TONIGHT. PLEASE VOTE.

Troy : Lessons Of The Heart Episode 1 will air on television tomorrow as part of IFPs Screen Wars program. Check your local listings for times. The show airs at 11:00pm AZ time on AZTV Channel 13. It is more than likely that this episode will be broadcast at the Kodak Theater as well to commemorate the importance of Troys legacy. After the episode, please log onto www.screenwars.net and vote for Troy. The show is a compeititon and imagine what it will mean if Troy conquers all? He is so sad these days with Patric toying with him like a sick dog. The WORLD PREMIERE of the Troy: Lessons Of The Heart Episode 2 Teaser will show exclusively on the What is Troy website on Wednesday at 11:30pm after Screen Wars. This is a special treat for all. You can only vote between 11:00pm tonight, Wednesday the 21st and 11:00pm tomorrow, Thursday the 22nd. Please do!

EVERYONE READ THIS, AND TAKE ACTION!

Hello all. Please, read this and take action.

As you know, the What Is Troy empire, which has ties to all forms of entertainment throughout the world, is currently competing for a very important title 'winner of a competition'. Please, help us.

Goto this site: www.funnypictureshow.com

click 'Screening Room' and 'create an account'. Then, please, watch the illustrious Episode One of 'What Is Troy' and vote! For those of you who have not seen the inarguably epic, first chapter of Troys life unfold. After you log in, either search for us, or enter the following link in your browser:

https://funnypictureshow.com/films.review/?FilmID=7

AFTER you have created an account, this link will be active, otherwise it will just take you to the main page www.funnypictureshow.com.

Thanks!! "Troy" is currently having the skin on his body pulled 'taught' for a press junket in Bolivia. He is having problems blogging but will soon stop being a baby and start posting nuggest of wisdom and prosperity.

Thanks!!

My Teaser, Thongs, and More.

Okay y'all this is it. I was talking to some of my friends the other day. I of course, was sitting in a make-up chair. I have a team of people who 'do me', my make-up. Not the way a gal does her make-up persay, but I do mine in a more manly fashion. For example, I cover up my blemishes with a little product called Tan Colored (or Coloured in the UK) Clearasil. It's awesome! So, I'm waiting around, watching dailys for my film. I mean, I set out to finna tell a tale of my life, the entire story. I was saying Epic, I meant big, like if you shot with panoram film, with gels, and using sound tape, and using different lens filters like skylight or haze, I mean films and then made 3d animations of my life. I looked at the dailys and they looked a little, not so good. I mean, I'm all about film, Nikon F2 is my weapon of choice. Occasionally, I use scrims. C-Stands are THA shit. So, I spoke to my director, who shot my story on video, or as I like to say Videoze, as in Video + Doze, as in sleep. Because, I think it's lame. Dog, listen, If I had my druthers I woulda shot the entire movie on my F2, cost de damned. Fuck cost. Think about the way you seize the day, in some cultures, like Hindu, they often say Carpe Diem, and it roughly translates into 'The Day Is Seized'. Well, more importantly, we need to talk about sex, ladies, and Valentines. According to Websters, Love is all of that, and I agree. I recently discovered that you can sell thong panties of anything on-line, with a little elbow grease and a grit. It makes me angry when I see what marketing is doing to me. I mean, they are putting my worst enemy Patric on ladies underpants, and expecting fools out there, all y'all who hella be all up in my blog readin' this in your cribs and what have you, to buy them as Valentines Day Gifts? I was thinking about the filming. I would have bought some film, 35mm, Fujichrome and shot the entire film, frame by frame, almost like stopped-motion animation. I then would have pushed the film 4 or 5 stops (if you don't understand this, maybe learn a little about CaMerAz, dogs) and printed it on glass. Thats me, I'm an artist. I think I came through, acting wise. I feel a little sad that it's not already out, with Oscar season upon us. Oh well, Carpe Diem, right?

It's all about the eyes.

Actors often lament about needing to 'see' inside each others minds, and that always reminded me of a 'mindreader'. It's not necessary. I knew that in order to tell the story of my life, I would have to take control of the part and be myself behind the lens. Who would they get to play me? I spent some time with the Producer crew, and they pitched me all kinds a crazy ideas because they tried to convince -me- that I couldn't do it, I couldn't act. I said 'how the hell can I not act and be myself at the same time?'. I am ME and I do it like I ought too. Here are some of the actors they wanted to play me, have a laugh at this y'all.

BEN STILLER

I knew that Stilla had the ability to play the deep layers of shade, intellect, and the touches of humor that I needed to reflect. I am the embodiment of a mutlilateral strucutre. Stilla is kinda tight, and I liked the movie where he played the guy who played ALF from TV. He was pretty good, and they tell me he would bring some box office cred, but why? The only box office I care a damn about is the box of vintage cameras in my office, get it?

DAVE COULIER

Best known as Joey 'Glad' Gladstone on the show Full House, Coulier, who is a fan of my photography, asked me if he could step into the role. I liked the depth he could bring, and I knew he could do some voices that would show the pain I went through. This story about my life is important, and I knew someone who could do a bangin ass Popeye voice may be the type of actor who could bring out the voice of my soul. Ultimatly, it was hell hard to figure this one out. I stayed up all night with a bottle of Abstheine drinking and thinking -- and crying. It was sad, hard choice. I'm me, and thats all that matters. Thats why I knew I could do it, you gotta have that inside you. Back in my neighborhood, we called that 'confidence'.

ADRIAN BRODY

It's all about the OSCAR today, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. When I wrote the story, in multiple chapters, I knew that my life was something that could pass the test of time. I have a philosophy, and if you know my work -- you probably have this posted on ya wall somewhere. It's called the 'Life Equasion' Black + White = Life. That refers to EMULSION BASED photography, a little thing called film -- Tri-X, T-Max, you heard? Life is like a Lens, and my story IS like the film recording the greatest moments. Producers like 'yo, if this shit is on the Oscar tip -- lets get us Oscar man' I said to them, 'King Kong' that shit was commercial as hell, that made money at the box - FUCK DOLLAS. Bordy could bring it maybe, I saw him in The Piano with Harvey Kietel, but nobody does it like I do it.

HILLARY SWANK

Some people in Hollywood and in life tell me that it's not socially correct to have a girl play a man on a film. I told them "if thats so, check out boyz don't cry -- go watch it. that guy on there, that boy -- it's a girl!" I said that WORD FOR WORD. After they went home, rented that shit, and watched it they came back to me, like -- "nah, that was a dude". I looked them straight in the face and said "IMDB.COM - RECOGNIZE THE REALITY". After they went home, logged into their computer, loaded Internet Explorer and went to IMDB.COM they came back to me and said 'whoa, thats deep" and I said -- "Whoa -- thats life..." My agent called Hillary to see if she would be interested, and since I think society needs a bit of a shake down -- I gave it my full blessing. I think it's ludacris to have another person portray me, so ultimatly it didn't work out -- but heres to you Hillary.