Dave Coulier Tried To Hurt Me

So, it's true. Dave Coullier tried to punch me in the face earlier today. 

It was tense. 

I was working around Temecula BLVD, I was wearing a pair of purple shorts and some shoes. I had no shirt on, because it was chilly outside, and I'm like that. Dangerous and free....

Dave Coullier came bounding down the street like Tigger, but he had no Pants on. 

We attracted like magnets, but then he reared back like a beatle and swung toward my face. He missed because I'm so fucking fast I just leaned back...

I was scared, but barely had a second to collect myself. The "Pappoz" emerged like ants from the hills and started clicking, taking photostats of us. I know what they wanted. I could imagine the cover of US and In Touch this week. I could see it, me laying on the ground with Dave Coullier standing above me laughing. In big white letters it would say :

"POPEYE POPS TROYS EYE"

In this economy, there is a part of me that embraces it. I realize the type of turn around that cover would bring to the publishers in a time when sales are critical. Can you imagine former bad-boy hunk Coullier and me on the same cover, in a fight? If we sold this as a DVD it would be very popular indeed. 

Well, guess what happened next? I stood up and I looked Dave in the eye as flashes burst around us. The Pappoz yelled "Do your own thing Troy, go for you, Troy" they said. I turned to them as Dave switched to a Jackelope voice, taunting me "You Blow" he said in the tiny voice, "you blow bad" he repeated adding umph. I turned to him and said "No. YOU blow". 

That really made him stand stone cold like concrete. He was completely deflated. 

The Pappoz laughed hard and we all mocked him. We joined together to mock what he stands for, and we did it well. 

We did it well.