I am pretty sad right now. I had a BIG TIME audition today. There is a slamming local commercial in which I would absolutely love to star. It's a local savings and loan company. I got the call this morning around 9:00am, and my agent told me that I should start thinking seriously about a morning gym call. I wasn't so sure. I am humble, I am modest. I went on to take some photoshots of my face at extreme close range, I then took a video tape of myself reading the lines and watched it over and over on my video player. The sides, which I arrived via fax machine at 10:03am had my character walking through the background, turning to Mr.Leslie Neilson [star of the commericals] and saying "Sir, would you like fries with that shake?". I wasn't sure the context, it had a feeling of subversion to it which actually tickled my fancy a tad. Anyway, I read the lines over and over and over, and I refused to fucking blink. I watcehd myself in the mirror, and I watched my eyelids, and I forbid them to move and make me weak. I took a bath, then off I was. So jittery, was I. Nerves had taken control, thats for sure. I arrived around 12:05pm, and I was so ready for this. Iwas wondering if Mr.Neilson would be there to read opposite me. He had a gag in the commerical where he looked at the camera and a fart sound occured. It read really funny, and I hoped I would be able to maintain my deadpan [I would be the 'straight man].
I entered the room and the casting director stared at me. He obviously was jealous, but I made a big mistake. I wore a tight western shirt with silvery threads and my favorite pair of cut off dungarees. I looked pretty good, and I could see he was jealous of that. So, I took a loss to begin. I eventually got a chance to read, and I messed up. I was so nervous. I kept thinking 'What if Leslie Neilson comes into the room with the fart gadget? Will I be able to not laugh? NO WAY". They stared at me, and I was standing there in a room. This would have been a big break for me, now that I'm in between gigs and wanting to expand my horizons. Could you imagine what you could do with a resume that incldues an acting gig opposite Mr.Leslie Neilson? In 2009 thats like liquid gold.
I was so nervous that I started crying, and I really made a fool of myself. They told me I did a "good job..." then asked that I leave. I don't think they meant 'good job' at all. I think they just told me that. Fine, I thought to myself "fine, just fine...but, someday I'll show them...I'll show them all" I walked back to my home and made dinner for my cardboard replica of my beloved Sharon. We had TV Dinners and Punch. As the night went on, I couldn't help but think of the words 'good job' and the fact that it didn't mean anything.
Oh well, fuck me I guess. Fuck me...