Axel continues to hurt...

Friends,

Today I received something pretty weird. I got a package in the snail mail that was wrapped in vines, paper towels and tears. I opened it slowly as I watched the rain tap tap tap on the window outside. It was cold, a cold November. Axel was on my mind. Not because he's good, but because he's good at being a dick to me. Nostrodomus once said that California would soon break off and form an island. I don't disagree, but I wish it would happen soon. I know Axel lives in LA and he would pretty much be FUCKED stuck on that island, while I would find the remaining members of GnR and form a much more, kick ass version of them. It's more than a dream assholes, it's a reality.

ME on Vocals and Small Cymbals

Slasher on Guitar [YEA!]

Joey Gladstone on Comedy -- yes! I don't follow the rules of music. My band will rock hard, then Joey Gladstone will do a Popeye impression that will make you all shit your pants, then we will play the hardest version of the entire Spaghetti Incident? CD which will make you shit yourselfs again, but harder.

Duffy On Guitar and attitude.

DJ Bart Simpson on turntables. YES!

We will play our first date on the new beach front property in the dunes. What would you do if it happened? Would you be happy or sad? If I was you, and I was looking back at myself as if in another world, I would be so happy. I would say 'forgoe downloads' and I would buy our album on LP or CD. What would you do when a clown turned your frown into a smile? You would accept it, thats what.

Axel hurts me more...

Well friends, it's finally out. After years, no, decades of waiting -- Axel has finally decided to release his song China Democracy into the realm of 'reality'. Some of my long time fans might remember a bit of a fight I had with Axel a year or so ago. The fight was talked about on Axis Hollywood and other shows. I am really pissed inside because of course, Axeler decided to not put our collaboration on the disc. The dick told me he would, he told me in confidence behind closed doors. We spoke about it and we made an agreement. I don't understand -- is this the guy who wrote Welcome to Jungle? Has he forgot all that he stood for?

I decided to get some help. I called up Slasher and Duffy [who is now a girl, post op, but still rocks and jamz hard with both my band and the one with the guy from the Stone Pilots]. Me and Slasher sat down over a cup of joe and had a real, serious, heart to heart. I told him about the work I did with Axel and he told me how Axel wanted to be more like me. According to Slasher, he said that Axel wanted to mold himself 'in my voice' as far as music goes, and take the lyrics I wrote and turn them into the next hit! This is why China Democrats took so long to come out. Look, no offense Axel, but you used to have Slasher and Duffy and now you have Mr.Bucket and the guy from the Rembrants? I mean, come-on. Why don't you do a cover of the "Friends" theme ya dick.

It gets me heated inside and it hurts me too. Tears aren't meant to cause such pain as they streak down your check. Cold November Rain down my face as I think of you Axel, and what you did to me and my song....our song.

My audition went bad...

I am pretty sad right now. I had a BIG TIME audition today. There is a slamming local commercial in which I would absolutely love to star. It's a local savings and loan company. I got the call this morning around 9:00am, and my agent told me that I should start thinking seriously about a morning gym call. I wasn't so sure. I am humble, I am modest. I went on to take some photoshots of my face at extreme close range, I then took a video tape of myself reading the lines and watched it over and over on my video player. The sides, which I arrived via fax machine at 10:03am had my character walking through the background, turning to Mr.Leslie Neilson [star of the commericals] and saying "Sir, would you like fries with that shake?". I wasn't sure the context, it had a feeling of subversion to it which actually tickled my fancy a tad. Anyway, I read the lines over and over and over, and I refused to fucking blink. I watcehd myself in the mirror, and I watched my eyelids, and I forbid them to move and make me weak. I took a bath, then off I was. So jittery, was I. Nerves had taken control, thats for sure. I arrived around 12:05pm, and I was so ready for this. Iwas wondering if Mr.Neilson would be there to read opposite me. He had a gag in the commerical where he looked at the camera and a fart sound occured. It read really funny, and I hoped I would be able to maintain my deadpan [I would be the 'straight man].

I entered the room and the casting director stared at me. He obviously was jealous, but I made a big mistake. I wore a tight western shirt with silvery threads and my favorite pair of cut off dungarees. I looked pretty good, and I could see he was jealous of that. So, I took a loss to begin. I eventually got a chance to read, and I messed up. I was so nervous. I kept thinking 'What if Leslie Neilson comes into the room with the fart gadget? Will I be able to not laugh? NO WAY". They stared at me, and I was standing there in a room. This would have been a big break for me, now that I'm in between gigs and wanting to expand my horizons. Could you imagine what you could do with a resume that incldues an acting gig opposite Mr.Leslie Neilson? In 2009 thats like liquid gold.

I was so nervous that I started crying, and I really made a fool of myself. They told me I did a "good job..." then asked that I leave. I don't think they meant 'good job' at all. I think they just told me that. Fine, I thought to myself "fine, just fine...but, someday I'll show them...I'll show them all" I walked back to my home and made dinner for my cardboard replica of my beloved Sharon. We had TV Dinners and Punch. As the night went on, I couldn't help but think of the words 'good job' and the fact that it didn't mean anything.

Oh well, fuck me I guess. Fuck me...

Video Blog : Sharon #1

Video Blog : The Ball

"I laugh, so I don't cry" from Vanity Fair

"Douth thou fancy a cig?" the paper was wrinkled like a prune in his wrinkled old hands. "Not me, no" said the man with a face like a prune, wrinkled. "Troy" looked toward the prune-like man and smiled "Well, you don't say..."

-- from Untitled by 'Troy'

EXCERPT FROM VANITY FAIR:

Troy was curious. His rouded hair looked artificial, but he swears it is his own. His eyes are glassy, translucent, and empty. He smiles like a mad-man one moment, and breaks into utter sorrow the next. He is man, he is more than man. This would be god stands before me in his tank top, short shorts and ratty cover-all; if he is a prophet of love, I'm ready to learn from him.

"I am man of renissance day" said Troy, looking up from a cup of tea.
"Would you fancy a smoke?" he murmured with a faux-english accent. I wasn't interested in a smoke, I had quit two years ago and it was a bear. "I smoke these...hand rolled cigarellos, but they are't filled with tabacoo...they are filled with 'bacco". Do you like writing? I do. Sometimes, when I'm working long hours on the set of my opus [think There will be Blood, but with better performances] I write on my novel. Yes, I am also a novel writer. I've always been told that my words cut through daily life like a knife cutting through hot butter. Poetic? Yes, indeed. That is my 'thing' my bag is poetry, but in word form. Many poets talk on the street, or in coffee shoppes. I do my talking on the typewriter, making words that MATTER and spreading my verbal wings like a dove waiting take-off from the pearly gates of omicron.

Actor, photographer, writer and philosopher? Troy, do you see the world in shades of black and white like most people do? Ney, I don't. I think the world is shades of grey, shades of purples and soft pinks. I think the world is....well, the world just IS. Just Is.... He was confident, trailing off on his 1960s era typewriter which he calls his 'time machine to thy past'. "Blogging is the way of the future. I blog therfore, I am. John Shakespeare said it best "To Blog is to be, to be is to blog"

[TO BE CONTINUED]

Why I turned down the Fraizer Movie...

I posted recently about the desire of producers to cast me as brother 'Niles Crane' in a big-budget 'Dark Knight' style revamp of the beloved TV sitcom Fraizer. I was very excited by this potential opportunity. I flew to Broadway, NY to view some plays that David Hyde Pierce was performing in. I craved an understand of the man that television could not nourish. If I were to play this man, I needed to understand him from the inside out. I paused, waited for the re-write and watched the world go crazy for a new political figure on the scene called simply 'Joe The Plumber'. He changed the game, and I hoped to do the same for Dr.Crane.

I read the script while jetting, and I realized that the entire affair was just too dark for my tastes. Yes, the undertones of the series left my spine a titter -- but, this script was much too dark and very hanibal-lecture-ish. The opening scene had a naked Dr.Fraizer Crane atop the Seatle Space Needle broadcasting his last show. He spoke in a Shakepspearion rage and delivered a mono log that turned me off :

"DEAREST SEATTLE. BY THE TIME YOU HEAR THESE WORDS, I WILL BE DEAD. I HAVE JUST FEAST ON THE FLESH OF MY FRIENDS. MY FATHER ATTEMPTING TO ARREST ME, SO SORRY DEAR FATHER....CRANE HAS GONE INSANE, SEATTLE. PUT THAT ON YOUR BUMPER STICKERS AND MUGS. ROZ, MY DEAR ROZ. IF ONLY I COULD HAVE SAVED YOU FROM DESPAIR. YOU DID MAKE QUITE THE AMOUCHE BOUCHE FOR MY MEAL OF A ONE DAPHNE CRANE AND MY SAD LITTLE BROTHER NILES, WHO MADE A TASTY APPETIZER...."

You see? I watched the entire show, and I know this to be true. Niles should have been the one to go insane, and I tried to explain this to the 'writer'. Alas, there are better things awaiting me in the wings. If I studied David Hyde Pearce, let it not be for not. Hollywood, can you hear me?