Tattoo of a baby.

What is up there, dogz. I want to get a tattoo of a baby on my shoulder, but I haven't got one. Should i buy one on Craigs list, or just make up a fake baby face and pretend it's mine? My life is in transition, I need help and ideas, fellows.

tears are salty

I know because I've been crying all night. Tears on my face, and tears in my heart. Don't judge me.

My Life Is Imploding.

'you better check yourself, before you wreck yourself'
- Ice Cube feat. Das Efx

Life is like a sad face. Sometimes it frowns, and other times, it isn't sad, it's deceptive. I think this is my life. There are many things that are not all of that, and I need to flip up the script up and explain it to all of you all.

First, I decided to hell of go and get some new TATZ, for those who aren't down with my lingo slang, TATZ is short for 'tattoos'. According to websters, and WAPEDIA a tattoo is a surgical pigmentation that is implanted intoward your skin molecular cells. I have so many, I do now. FUCK establishment! I have all of my fav cameraz all up and down all of my armz, and I'm getting a new tatty on my stommy : It reads in old englash letters 'TAKE THIS' and then there is a picture of a shutter, and an arrow that points DOWN. Yeah, I GO FOR IT. I GO FOR IT. I am turning a deaf ear toward the world right now. F you AXEL, that NAME IS FITTING.

I was going to make China Democracy a major hit, and I was going to drop my life for you. I'm sick of it. Why don't you go and roll around in your piles of cash... I don't need none of that chedder because I have something called 'artism', it's like narcolepsy, but for artists, dick.

Back in 1986 when you wanna make piss/I wanna make money in both of my fists, so I take out me camera and snap some pics/wake up smell the roses, cause you aint sh--!
-'Troy' from his China Democracy journal.

The passage above would have been on your album, but guess what? YOU BLEW IT! . Can you imagine that passage dissing your man Slasher? Your ex-pan Duffy, and Kagan? Kagan would have pissed on himself if you added his lame name, like 'Kagan, you think you drum with one arm, I think you DUMB with one arm'. An Axel is supposed to keep things spinning, but you 'my friend' (I thought I could call you that, but you're only a friend to people you trust, know and respect, I don't need a friend like that jerk...) don't keep -anything- spinning.

Well, my movie, typical Hollyweird. The producers want to WATCH WHAT WE SHOT. They don't like it, think it's too 'real' to true. I bet they told that to Martie Scorcesen when he made Mad Streets and Rageing Bull. Maybe they should think with their MINDS instead of their BILLFOLDS. Think about that when you sip your drinks.

'Troy'

Axel, you are officially on my sh@t list!

yeah, yeah it's your boy, Troy. I'm SICK of this. Axel, you think your all of that? Guess what buddy - you aren't! You think just because you wrote Cherry Pie, and Live and Let Die, you think just because you wrote those songs, you're something? Guess WHAT? YOU AINT NOTHING IN MY EYES! I wanted to join you. I was going to be your symbiote, I was going to be part of you. I wanted to weave into you like your hair is a weave. I want to run, I want to run so fast that a TRAIN can't catch me. Life is like that, it's prickly, it's hard and dirty. I've been had so many times, and I'm tried of it. I can imagine, you sitting in your mansion on beverly hills drive, kicking it with your 'guy friends' Slasha-10, duffy and the guy from The Replacements, all just sipping on some brew dogs, LAUGHING AT TROY. Well TROY IS SAD, is that WHAT YOU WANTED? Well you got it fricking mean jokers. It's real funny isn't it? I am sitting here, wearing GnR clothing, everything. I bought iron ons and ironed on a GnR logo onto my thong. It's so tight, this thong -- its for GIRLS, because you wore tight pants, and I wanted to be just LIKE YOU. Well, I learned pal, I learned that yo are not ALL OF THAT AT ALL. Maybe you should HAVE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR and see the sad face that looks back, then wipe that TEAR away that you are sure to have and think about the ARTIST who is here on the other side of planet rejection, ready to make a MOVIE THAT WILL BRING IT.

AXEL: I HATE YOU DOG!

Signed, 'Troy' (my mama always said their would likely be days simil

Axel, what would you do if I ran away?

Dear Axel Rose,

Apparently you're too busy being stupid to answer my emails. I'm so upset with you Axel, I thought you and me would do something together? Something to challenge the status quo? THE TRUTH IS, maybe YOU ARE the STATUS QUO. Remember when you wore those NWA hats all up onto of your head? Well, now you should wear RONALD REGAN hats because you're probably voting for him or Martain Landau in West Wing, DICK. I'm so tired of you rock stars, 'importantes'' as the french call them. You should be SEEKING me, I shoot photographs wonderfully, beautifull works. I act my soul out on film, even on VIDEO, I connect with my AUDIENCE, and I release. When was the last time you had it with a girl? I bet not just the other day, because I did it for so long the other day I was relatively sore in my box. You probably don't like it, hah hah. You would probably rather NOT RETURN PHONE CALLS than DO IT. You are missing out on something that would make CHINESE DEMOCRACY A MAJOR HIT RECORD...me. Forget Slashman, forget Duffet, forget the guy without an arm, or the guy with a bucket of chicken ontop of his dome space, you need me. I was brining you soul. MY soul. You probably sold yours to el diablo ages ago, right after 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' came out and made money for THE ESTABLISHMENT. Well, maybe I will pull out my HOLGA MEDIUM FORMAT CAMERA and shoot some SNAPS, yeah -- it has light leaks, BUT FUCK CONVENTIONALISM. I AM AN ARTIST. When was the last time you sang inside your MIC without counting those green duckets, you? Think about that when you are driving your Mach 5 down the street, punching baby walruses in the face and eating dolphin meat straight from the bone, JERK.

What would you do if I ran away? Just left this place? Would you MISS ME THEN? I bet you would, I bet YOU ALL WOULD.

Axel. You Hurt me, causes tear.

Dear Axel,

I'm a little worried. Are you 'okay'? I am. I want to reconnect with you. I think the idea of you, me and Jessie forming the new GnR will be the solution you need! I mean, I don't care about Jessie, because he is already famous and probably isn't on the same level as us musically speaking, but I want me and you 2 B 2.

When my pants are down, and I think of the day. Before I comb my hair, and stare outside the rain, it clings to me, like the sadness that speaks to me. In the cold November Rain. I want to remake that song, FIRST thing we do. I want to do a remake of it, so bad. I want to sit there, in a room with you, KICKIN it as hard as you can, and just lay out some lyrics. I use different colored (or coloured in UK) inks to establish the emotional thread I want lay down through song structures. For example, people associate the color blue with sorrow -- and rain... do you get it?

Well. I know you're just busy, and soon you will be calling me. If you get my machine PLEASE leave a message as I might be shooting this movie, yeah -- about me. I feel it's important, but you're important. Oh my Axel, you plus me equals a whole lot of ...love. Think on it.


Best,

'Troy'

SET REPORT: INTENSE DAY.

Today was my day. I declared it when I woke up. It was going to be a rough day on the set. Shit, I mean -- do you hear that? The sound of comedy and tragety taking a back seat to the REALITY that inside of soul? In germany they call it Glotszpkt, or 'treasures of the heart'. Imagine what it would be like to RELIVE a terrible moment inside of your life? Would you do it? COULD you? Would you be MAN or WOMAN enough to STEP UP to the PLATE and RELIVE IT? yo, I do not believe that you would have fortitude to do it. I did. Thats what I DO. I am hella real, strong. I act, but I act life like a play made of Shakespear and others, those of the english language, who forged the ups and downs of our existance.

My lawyer says this is confidential, and I shouldn't be talking about it -- but, what give? I givea 100% and this is MY LIFE so forget WHAT THEY SAY. My director, he's a dick, but I feel he wants to make my performance 'movie like' like I was making fluff, The Battleship Potemkin or some other CRAP hollywood film. I don't do hollywood, holly would want to do me if she could do it to me like that. I don't want to make a fucking joke of myself. So I ACTED, yeah - like Michael Cain before me, like Jeremy Miller or Nichelson Cage as Randall 'Memphis' Raines. Back to my point - what would you do if you had to look in the eye, the beast? The white clad beast with the red cross upon it's bird like cheast? Would you cry? What if the beast STOLE YOUR SHIT and left you ABANDONED like a dog...what if he took what was most precious from you, most precious...second only to one other. Well, I came back...yeah, it was rough, and I'm about to expose this shit all up in the filmic medium, for YOU.

What would you do? What would you do? I bet you'd fold.

I didn't

...

Axel Watch, Day Three.

Dear Axel,

Remember the good days of GnR? Remember Welcome Inside The Jungle? Tears From Rain? Those songs had so much awesome impact on me. I remember tearing my shirt off in the rain, the blue sky now black and white. I stood outside a farmhouse, and I played my soul like the electric guitar of T,he Slasher. The Slasher wears a top hat, because his brain is tall(see WIKI here). I want to take my shirt, pants and toss them aside. Do you remember the cold november rain, beating acrost your cheast? I do. Give me a call good pal, give me a call and lets get this GnR off the ground. It will be, all of that, I can ASSURE you. good. I'm serious, Axel. I'm sick of this shit. I sit here and work my BALLS into the ground on this fucking movie, and all I get are accolades from the foreign press association 'oh troy is this, troy is that, troy is the next brando...blah blah' I want to take my aggressions out on the open road, the stage. Yeah, I love my ART I love clikcing the shots, suspending motion, suspending the dope moments that occur before my face, my cold face. I do, but I want to rock it with you, you need me, GnR NEEDS this.


Sincerely, 'Troy'

Axel, This is frustrating.

So, I STILL waiting to get a call from axelor, his rep Lydia or any of the other members. I mean, even fing uncle jessie is too busy to call me. I know that dog is working his bone to the core on the Fullest house, but give me a break. I guess these peeps don't see with future eyes, only past eyes. 'Troy', thats where you wanna be at. The future is here, inside of me -- so bright, it hurts. Since the directos ans producers on this movie can't seem to GET IT RIGHT, even after I pour out my SOUL to them, give them a set of reference charts via Google Docs and Wikipedia, and BASICALLY SLAM IT ALL UP SIDE THEIR GRILLS. I have to think about MY future. I'm doing this film, because my Fandom wants it, they need it, they need that hit, that 'Troy' fix that makes them feel like they feel. It's like liquified SEX and ART slammed inside of their ear channels, like television, but with INTEGRITY. The director says 'no, no, we have to do it like this' I tell him 'SHEEP, BAH-BAH' then I click 45 of the most AMAZING SNAPS that any man or woman could conceive, I'm talking Anne Geddes taken to the hilt, so good. Off my NIKON F2, I spit on the ground when I'm done to show them I mean it.

So, I need the GnR fix, like my fans clammor and drool over the work that be bringing it from inside of what I do, my brain that operates at XP-PRO speed, or OS Puma 10. Axel, whats up? I called you. I have written 4 songs, and I will DROP off this film if I need to. Now is the time, we gotta push for tha Grammyz next year, I know it's NOT IMPORTANT to win awards, but we gootta make a statement. Axel, I wnat you close to me, we can work it out, we can work it out....

AXELOR do you hear me? Oh, heaven INSIDE the nature of man...oh inside.

SUPERGROUP.?

I'm excited, very much. I called my friend Axel Rose today and spoke to Lydia his rep. She told me Axe was definitely interested in making some music with me and my crew as proposed in a previous blog. This means alot, because a fool like me, just wants to get out there and do it art way. I love art, be it with the sound, or photosnaps or videos, or whatever it may be. I want to imagine what it would be like to be next to Axeler, with Jessie on the drum kit and myself singing. I heard that the way to salvation is to sing. God told me that. I am going to FUCKING DITCH this movie if I have to in order to tour with the new GnR. It is MY LIFE AND MY RULES. So producers, directors, don't forget who this is about. I'm so EXCITED. I just cannot hide it, no...no. I wrote a song, I want to share it, ok? MY FIRST ONE. I tried to write it in PHOTOSHOP becauze I do it like that, but I couldn't get tha fontz right, they didn't reflect the emotion. I tried SO many cool fonts, I thought it would be rad to write my emotionz in fonts. Like If I was talkin bout the love thang, I could use a heart font, or sadness, I could use a sad font. Here is my song, just regular text.

AXEL, DO YOU HEAR ME? by 'TROY'

'TROY':

LYRICS REMOVED BY LABEL.

thats all I have so far...I feel so vunerable right now...sad, soft.

Sad Sack Thoughts Of A Random Nature.

Yo. What time is it? I often ask myself that before I seize my camera and take a picture. One time, I turned the camera around and pointed it at myself. You might ask yourself, 'yo, is he crazy? arms length, what up?'. Let me tell y'all. THATS LIFE right there, and when you live 'la vita boca' thats how you live. I had an idea of getting a tatt (slang for Tattoo, something you get when a tool embeds ink into your empidermius) on my face, actually on my eye. You wonder, is he crazy, boca? I say "hell yes" you see life hasn't been easy for me, and that makes you hard on the outside. Hard like the shell of a hardboiled egg (thus 'hard' boiled, go figure). Yeah, yeah. My heart broke and is broken, yo. Life goes on. Remember that song? It was written for the show by the same name 'Life Goes On' and was song by Chris Burke, who played Cork Thatcher on the show. Cork had a disability, but he hardly let it stop him. The tune was covered by The Beatles later. Go figure?

There are issues coming up as I sit and shoot this ere movie, and the feelings aren't all that, really. According to my sources at Wikipedia, time is of the essence. I think of myself, sitting here, pouring my soul out into this hella large and seriously intense story of my life. A retelling. There are -some- liberties, but mostly, my life. I cry at night. I think about 'The Nurse' and what he did to me, I think of the truest of love forms Sharon. She, with her gentle spirit and...I want to do it justice on screen. In fact, I'm sick of the shit that has been happening thus far. Fucking press junkets coming up soon, and I want to speak my mind, if the SHEEP don't try to hold my ass down. Words that bang from my mouth and flow into the EARS OF BABES. They, directors, producers, publicists, they want to make you look so tidy, so up and standing, so perfect. Is the sixteen chapel perfect? Is a flower? An atom? No, none of these, and I'm no different. I made LIFE LIFE didn't make me.

TOP SECRET: Animated Concept?

While rumors of the 'Troy' animated series are circulating throughout the 'inner realm', an associate dog of mine e-mailed me something very interesting indeed. Yo, check it. This right here, if it isn't a fake is THE FIRST glipse off the artists table of concept art for my animated adventures. Below is what he sent me, for your eyes only!

TROY. CALL ME 'HACK MASTER 5000'. I AM AN INTERN INSIDE A CERTAIN ARTISTS STUDIO WHO HAVE DONE SOME VERY IMPORTANT ANIMATED WORK, INCLUDING 'KID VIDEO' AND OTHER. SAID ARTIST IS WORKING ON A 'TOP SECRET' PROJECT SUB TITLED 'ROCKET SHIP'. WHEN HE WENT TO LUNCH, I WAS ABLE TO SNEAK INTO HIS OFFICE AND TAKE A SNAP OF HIS DRAWING BOARD WITH MY CELL PHONE CAM. I HAD MY BLUE TOOTH ON, AND STILL DO EVEN THOUGH I'M ABOUT TO GOTO BED. CALL ME 'HACK MASTER 5000'.

Chinese Deomcracy and Other Such Thingz.

I believe Axel Rose is trying to get ah old of me. Yo, word is up. For real though, I must say, I find it quite hell strange that the mastermind behind Welcome To The Jungle is trying to get up inside of my grill. According to various blogs, Axel wants to use me in his newest incarnation of Guns & Roses. No, I am a photo snapper by trade, an Actor by choice and desire, and a wondrous generator of creative zen by nature of the almighty, but a music dude? Well, I believe it's all good.

I checked on Wikipedia recently, and apparently Guns and Roses are planning to reform under a new regiment, one that encompasses alien technology discovered on an alien word called The Moon. Axel and me will co-lead sing, and the other band members will be up to committee. I feel in my heart, a str8 up bangin' band would consist of the following:

'TROY' : LEAD VOCALS / CATERWAULING

It's all good. I can do it all. Michael Jordan used to call himself 'Numbero 23' because he could do it all, play mad basketball with his boys, make cologne and underwear, dunk it. Me, I enjoy the more subtle and less mainstream things of nature, but imagine the steamy shots I could get with my F2 while ON-STAGE! I could shoot directly INTO the light fixtures and move the camera. As an actor, I was told me skills had serious accolades. If to photography I am part Bresson and part Anne Geddes, to acting I am part Marlon Brando and part Mark Linn-Baker , to singing what would I be? Only god knows, yo.


Axel Rose: Lead Vocals . Other than fronting a little tight band know az Guns & Roses, Axel also wrote the apt titled 'Axel F' for the hit movie (y'all know) Beverly Hills Cop . After decades of trying to get the new GnR off the foot, he's now ready to bring Chinese Democracy to the world with the help of tha man aka 'Troy'. Axel still knows whats up. His new braided hat lookin good like my lady Sharon before she got taken by Patric. Shed be better off in my arms, look where I am NOW? I miss you, sad soft.

Now, you might ask yourself -- how do we fill a void left by Slasher the previous guitar dude, and Duff or whatever? In my crib we have a saying 'Carpe Diem'. It means 'The day is precious, you should take whatever positive opportunities you can from it, and do your best to optimize them to their fullest incarnation'. That is why I propose something a bit off. I know many of you are too busy mashing up your songs to realize the impact of what I propose here, but you gotta recognize that what I'm doing is on the real tip. I have always loved harmonies, very precious ones. I hear them in my eyes when I shoot snaps of various things....Nobody does harmony better than this one:

John 'Uncle Jessie' Stamos. Yes, I know what you're thinking. Uncle Jessie is an actor, not a musicado. Well, wrong. dead wrong. Uncle Jessie was the lead singer and writer for his own band Jessie and the Rippers. The band DID IT ALL. Drawing from his roots as an incidental drummer for The Beach Boyz, Jessie brought it all to the table in stunning, erotic fashion. Barbershop choir, FUCK YEAH, he did that shit before ROCKAPELLA even knew what was up. Orchestra tin bangin as fuck ass Sax solos on the drop of a mahfuckin hat? Hell yeah, you know. At Disney World, the sax in the 'rippers' brought it. Stamos and his band of rockin freinds, me and Axel?Are you kidding me?

Just make the call Axel, dog. Make the call.

A Brief History Of Troy: My Art, Part One.

Why does an apple taste so sweet? Why does a Clown hide tears behind his white, plastery, make-up? Does a clown lie? Perhaps, yo. According to Wikipedia, there is no such thing as clowns, no such thing as life, no such thing as love. I sit here, a drink of Ginko Baloba nested in a nice ceramic mug, one of misshapen parts, a sad handle. Outside my window are movie trailers, moving here and there, going for they own, doing what they do. Up in this, I think thoughts of brilliant white stars, constellations, god made creations -- Sharon, an angel -- not from these parts. Her better half resting on my lap, well, in my dreams.


My art. Thats why you all came here, millions, hella waiting to hear the finna correctly taught words that flow forth from my boca (mouth in Spanish, check babelfish if you think I'm a liar, ass). My art. Photographs, photography if you will. Life is not dissimilar to KODACHROME or ILLFORD brand films. Are we then, yo, not unlike a camera? We being human-beings? Is my eye not like an apeture? My finger not like a shutter? My back not like a film-plate holding the film of life against my heart, lungs, thorax?

One day we will be able to capture our images as fast as the human eye captures a tear of sorrow, as fast as our hearts capture the flutter of love. Well, love can be taken from you...quite.

Set Report : Trailer Life

just outside this trailer....

Yo. You would think that being on a movie set would be all of that, and potentially more. Wrong. I'm sitting in my too small trailer, barely able to stretch my newly shorn legs across the room. I asked for a few items, this is mah movie about me, for real. This was my doing. If it wasn't for me, this peice of filmic art, historic art, would be another whack ass Hollyweird yarn. Nah, no way, dog. Why are my pants even on? It so hella hot in here, I feel like I just took a shower (due to the sweat). I believe the yomen invented a little something called AIR CONDITIONING. I mean, who runs this crap set? "Air Condition this", I think as I take several soft clicks with my Nikon F2. I think about a cat I saw outside. This is too soon for me to be recounting this, I realize. I read my script, and I found it difficult. Is this how Jesus felt? Perhaps, indeed, this film right ere might be my cross to bare. This is reality, this is reality. I once had the soft fur of my precious Boo Boo betwixt my fingers. The silken hairs of Sharon resting across my alabaster arm. Now I have to recount it, the pain. All I want is a bigger trailer...something where I can stretch out, be cool. You want me to die for you on this fucking set and you motherfuckers can't even give me a nice trailer?? Is that too hard for yah?

Vote before 11:00pm on 3/22 and E2 TEASER ON-LINE!

We are competing on the IFP short film competition 'Screen Wars'. Please click the link below to vote for Troy: Lessons Of The Heart, Episode 1.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE VIA EMAIL

The link will open up your mail program, all you have to do is click send. You don't need to type anything in the message body. Otherwise, you can goto www.screenwars.net and click 'Vote For This Film' under our title!

Afterward, goto www.whatistroy.com and view the WORLD PREMIER teaser trailer for TROY: LESSONS OF THE HEART, EPISODE 2!

Thank-you! "Troy" will return to his insane postings in the next few days. He is currently recovering from something we can't talk about right now.

LESSON ONE ON TV TONIGHT. PLEASE VOTE.

Troy : Lessons Of The Heart Episode 1 will air on television tomorrow as part of IFPs Screen Wars program. Check your local listings for times. The show airs at 11:00pm AZ time on AZTV Channel 13. It is more than likely that this episode will be broadcast at the Kodak Theater as well to commemorate the importance of Troys legacy. After the episode, please log onto www.screenwars.net and vote for Troy. The show is a compeititon and imagine what it will mean if Troy conquers all? He is so sad these days with Patric toying with him like a sick dog. The WORLD PREMIERE of the Troy: Lessons Of The Heart Episode 2 Teaser will show exclusively on the What is Troy website on Wednesday at 11:30pm after Screen Wars. This is a special treat for all. You can only vote between 11:00pm tonight, Wednesday the 21st and 11:00pm tomorrow, Thursday the 22nd. Please do!

EVERYONE READ THIS, AND TAKE ACTION!

Hello all. Please, read this and take action.

As you know, the What Is Troy empire, which has ties to all forms of entertainment throughout the world, is currently competing for a very important title 'winner of a competition'. Please, help us.

Goto this site: www.funnypictureshow.com

click 'Screening Room' and 'create an account'. Then, please, watch the illustrious Episode One of 'What Is Troy' and vote! For those of you who have not seen the inarguably epic, first chapter of Troys life unfold. After you log in, either search for us, or enter the following link in your browser:

https://funnypictureshow.com/films.review/?FilmID=7

AFTER you have created an account, this link will be active, otherwise it will just take you to the main page www.funnypictureshow.com.

Thanks!! "Troy" is currently having the skin on his body pulled 'taught' for a press junket in Bolivia. He is having problems blogging but will soon stop being a baby and start posting nuggest of wisdom and prosperity.

Thanks!!

My Teaser, Thongs, and More.

Okay y'all this is it. I was talking to some of my friends the other day. I of course, was sitting in a make-up chair. I have a team of people who 'do me', my make-up. Not the way a gal does her make-up persay, but I do mine in a more manly fashion. For example, I cover up my blemishes with a little product called Tan Colored (or Coloured in the UK) Clearasil. It's awesome! So, I'm waiting around, watching dailys for my film. I mean, I set out to finna tell a tale of my life, the entire story. I was saying Epic, I meant big, like if you shot with panoram film, with gels, and using sound tape, and using different lens filters like skylight or haze, I mean films and then made 3d animations of my life. I looked at the dailys and they looked a little, not so good. I mean, I'm all about film, Nikon F2 is my weapon of choice. Occasionally, I use scrims. C-Stands are THA shit. So, I spoke to my director, who shot my story on video, or as I like to say Videoze, as in Video + Doze, as in sleep. Because, I think it's lame. Dog, listen, If I had my druthers I woulda shot the entire movie on my F2, cost de damned. Fuck cost. Think about the way you seize the day, in some cultures, like Hindu, they often say Carpe Diem, and it roughly translates into 'The Day Is Seized'. Well, more importantly, we need to talk about sex, ladies, and Valentines. According to Websters, Love is all of that, and I agree. I recently discovered that you can sell thong panties of anything on-line, with a little elbow grease and a grit. It makes me angry when I see what marketing is doing to me. I mean, they are putting my worst enemy Patric on ladies underpants, and expecting fools out there, all y'all who hella be all up in my blog readin' this in your cribs and what have you, to buy them as Valentines Day Gifts? I was thinking about the filming. I would have bought some film, 35mm, Fujichrome and shot the entire film, frame by frame, almost like stopped-motion animation. I then would have pushed the film 4 or 5 stops (if you don't understand this, maybe learn a little about CaMerAz, dogs) and printed it on glass. Thats me, I'm an artist. I think I came through, acting wise. I feel a little sad that it's not already out, with Oscar season upon us. Oh well, Carpe Diem, right?

It's all about the eyes.

Actors often lament about needing to 'see' inside each others minds, and that always reminded me of a 'mindreader'. It's not necessary. I knew that in order to tell the story of my life, I would have to take control of the part and be myself behind the lens. Who would they get to play me? I spent some time with the Producer crew, and they pitched me all kinds a crazy ideas because they tried to convince -me- that I couldn't do it, I couldn't act. I said 'how the hell can I not act and be myself at the same time?'. I am ME and I do it like I ought too. Here are some of the actors they wanted to play me, have a laugh at this y'all.

BEN STILLER

I knew that Stilla had the ability to play the deep layers of shade, intellect, and the touches of humor that I needed to reflect. I am the embodiment of a mutlilateral strucutre. Stilla is kinda tight, and I liked the movie where he played the guy who played ALF from TV. He was pretty good, and they tell me he would bring some box office cred, but why? The only box office I care a damn about is the box of vintage cameras in my office, get it?

DAVE COULIER

Best known as Joey 'Glad' Gladstone on the show Full House, Coulier, who is a fan of my photography, asked me if he could step into the role. I liked the depth he could bring, and I knew he could do some voices that would show the pain I went through. This story about my life is important, and I knew someone who could do a bangin ass Popeye voice may be the type of actor who could bring out the voice of my soul. Ultimatly, it was hell hard to figure this one out. I stayed up all night with a bottle of Abstheine drinking and thinking -- and crying. It was sad, hard choice. I'm me, and thats all that matters. Thats why I knew I could do it, you gotta have that inside you. Back in my neighborhood, we called that 'confidence'.

ADRIAN BRODY

It's all about the OSCAR today, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. When I wrote the story, in multiple chapters, I knew that my life was something that could pass the test of time. I have a philosophy, and if you know my work -- you probably have this posted on ya wall somewhere. It's called the 'Life Equasion' Black + White = Life. That refers to EMULSION BASED photography, a little thing called film -- Tri-X, T-Max, you heard? Life is like a Lens, and my story IS like the film recording the greatest moments. Producers like 'yo, if this shit is on the Oscar tip -- lets get us Oscar man' I said to them, 'King Kong' that shit was commercial as hell, that made money at the box - FUCK DOLLAS. Bordy could bring it maybe, I saw him in The Piano with Harvey Kietel, but nobody does it like I do it.

HILLARY SWANK

Some people in Hollywood and in life tell me that it's not socially correct to have a girl play a man on a film. I told them "if thats so, check out boyz don't cry -- go watch it. that guy on there, that boy -- it's a girl!" I said that WORD FOR WORD. After they went home, rented that shit, and watched it they came back to me, like -- "nah, that was a dude". I looked them straight in the face and said "IMDB.COM - RECOGNIZE THE REALITY". After they went home, logged into their computer, loaded Internet Explorer and went to IMDB.COM they came back to me and said 'whoa, thats deep" and I said -- "Whoa -- thats life..." My agent called Hillary to see if she would be interested, and since I think society needs a bit of a shake down -- I gave it my full blessing. I think it's ludacris to have another person portray me, so ultimatly it didn't work out -- but heres to you Hillary.